he might never love me enough.....
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he might never love me enough.....
| Mon, 05-17-2004 - 7:52pm |
Hi. I'm new and was hoping I could jump right in and ask for some advice.
My boyfriend and I are 21. We've been together since January, friends for 4 months before that. The movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind inspired a few conversations about 'relationships' between us.
He told me I deserve to be loved and that he is holding back, but doesn't want to break up. He's afraid he will never be able to love me because he still has issues with his ex. She broke up with him over one year ago.
It is a risk everyone takes when entering a relationship, you never know what will develop. He has brought this issue to the forefront and I don't know what to do. We are happy together but I'm afraid he is taking my care for him and consciously not planning on returning it. Is the happiness I feel now, worth it?
--Jen

First of all, you are both young. Too young, in my humble opinion, to settle down just yet - especially on his part. In these times, it seems that men must feel they have everything to offer before they settle down with a partner.
I would take what he says seriously. Men are never that great at articulating their thoughts and feelings - at least not usually to the depth that we women are capable of. But he has managed to say he doesn't love you and cannot provide for or love you.
If I was you, I would focus more on my career/education and in dating many more men to find yourself and what is important to you. Maybe he will miss you and see what he has lost? But in the mean time, to go further, is not a great gamble.
If you can keep it casual that is fine - but that may be hard for you, particularly if you are sexually involved.
Just my two cents worth.
Are you really happy loving a man who doesn't love you, has said he may never love you, and who still has lingering feelings for his ex?
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