Is he not interested anymore?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2013
Is he not interested anymore?
Thu, 07-11-2013 - 10:39am

I met this guy who is a couple years older than me about three weeks ago almost. We were introduced by a mutual friend and hit it off since the moment we met. We both got out of long bad relationships at the beginning of the year and both not ready for a serious relationship because we were so hurt.  We hung out three times the first week we met and I ended up sleeping over the third time and we had a lot of fun. He would text me everyday and when I left his house that morning, he gave me a kiss and said il call you later babe and that he wanted to meet my best friend and I said ok cool. I did not hear from him for a couple days and on July 4th I texted him saying happy 4th and he replied saying that he was just about to text me and he was going out of town ( which I knew already) he then asked what I was up to. We had a brief conversation and he said that we have to get together when he came back and I said we do, and I knew exactly what we should do! He said sweet and told me he had a couple hours left on the road. The conversation died out and I have not heard from him. Yesterday our mutual friend told me that knowing him, he might be a bit freaked out because we hit it off so well and he is scared of getting hurt again he might be taking a step back but also that he geniunely probably wants to see me again because he brought it up. Long story short I texted him last night telling him about where I was thinking we should go and that some friends wanted to join friday or saturday and for him to let me know if he is free. I have yet to get a reply. I have never gone out of my way to text or ask a guy out because I am so used to having guys contact me etc. I geniuely have fun with him and like what I know of him. I dont like feeling dumb or feeling like I did something. I dont want to come on too strong if he is on the fences about relationships etc. I am also at a place where I am not looking for a serious relationship but if something were to lead to to one I wouldnt stop it either. I guess my concern is whether he meant the fact that he wanted to get together or if he was just being nice and is not interested in me? This was also my first time sleeping with someone shortly after meeting them so I feel like maybe that is all he wanted? By his behavior and things he said etc he doesnt seem like that type of guy. I know he is also extrememly busy with work but would just like to know what your take on all of this is. I know the day is not over and I could hear from him, but I dont want to waste my time on someone that isnt interested. Please advise. Thanks! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-11-2013 - 11:01am

I guess the only way to really know is if he gets back to you, then he's interested and if he doesn't, he's not.  I really hate when someone just ghosts after you've been together a few times without any explanation.  I think that's really rude.  Now since you have a mutual friend, does he think he'll be able to get away with that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 11:10am

First of all you have to get real with yourself. If it's a not a serious relationship you want, then you'd be happy with the way things are right now. No expectations of regular communication or regular dates. Just a booty call or catching a movie together now and then. Once a woman has sex, hormones are released to make the woman bond with a man, even if he's not good for her. What do you do in a new relationship? Wait as long as possible to have sex. If a man is patient, it means he's probably interested in a long term relationship. Players won't stick around long enough if sex is the only thing they want. To guage a man's interest, let him make most of the effort at the beginning. The message will ring loud and clear whether or not he's crazy about you.

If people are still hurting from a previous relationship, they shouldn't even be dating and bringing that old baggage with them. It's a recipe for disaster. Why not be alone for a while until you are ready for a serious relationship? Women may start off thinking friends with benefits is fun and carefree, but always end up wanting more. Isn't it more satisfying to build a beautiful life with someone who can't bear the thought of letting you go? A long term companion to snuggle up with while watching t.v. together, cooking together, planning life goals with? Get real about what you want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2013
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 7:25pm

Ask him.  That's the only way you'll know for sure.

Don't text.  Don't email.  Call him, or ask him in person.