is he over her?
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| Mon, 03-26-2007 - 8:41am |
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 months now, and it's been a rocky road for our relationship as I have depression and have gone through some rough patches in the past 3 months. He has been very empathetic and understanding through this time, but needless to say I feel as if I have disclosed too much to him about my past and present situation. Things couldn't be better right now for me...I am finally out of the dungeon of despair, and our relationship is as prosperous as ever right now.
Am I being neurotic by thinking that he doesn't deserve to be with someone who has had so many difficult times that have taxed our relationship?
Another thing: he has a very close girl friend whom he was in love with all this past summer. He has told me repeatedly that he no longer has feelings for her and that things would never work out between them. I have met the girl, and in fact, she's really cool. She even looks like me a bit. I am torn because every time we hang out with this girl, whenever my bf looks at her I get so instantly jealous. Am I wrong to not completely trust my boyfriend in this? I feel I know him very well, so when he looks at her or interacts with her in a flirting sort of manner, I can't help but feel insanely jealous and unwanted.
Maybe I am still insecure but I can't help but feel this way about he and this girl.
What should I do, keep smiling and pretend that things are okay? I mean, he knows that I have a problem with hanging out with her, and we've talked about it too. Help!

You can help the way you feel and react. So I would first get out of the habit of saying "I can't help how I feel." You can, it's a choice.
You said you talked about the girl to him. What is his take on it?
"Am I being neurotic by thinking that he doesn't deserve to be with someone who has had so many difficult times that have taxed our relationship?"
-no, you are not neurotic. You are a feeling person, but don't sell yourself short. Everyone hits hard times and we all deserve a shoulder to lean on. Just don't put him up on a pedestal over you. He needs to be on the same level with you.
As far as him hanging out with a girl he was in love with, I say that is a recipe for disaster. I am not from the school where men and women can hang much without the sex getting in the way. Even if it is flirting, or just attention that the person needs from the opposite sex, it takes away something from the love relationship. You'll see that sometimes he'll confide in her something that he should have confided in you. Most people are okay with that situation, I am not. I have seen so much pain coming from that scenario.
You say you talked to him about it. What is his position?