Is he a player?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Is he a player?
6
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 5:18pm

Hi everyone,

I went on a date with this guy last night, he took me to a few bars in the city and we had an awesome time talking and the like and I can say I really enjoyed myself. I was interested in knowing whether he had ever cheated on his past girlfriends and he said he had once, but the relationship was almost over anyway. Then when we were leaving, he went to use the bathroom and while he was waiting in line, there were 2 girls dancing with each other and he just would not stop staring and I also felt that he was checking out other women during the night...also, has anyone ever had a "gut" feeling that the guy you are on a date with might be a little bit of a player? I had this gut feeling, just the way he came across to me. Of course, I thought that about someone else and I was very wrong but I just feel like this guy has more wandering eyes than what I am used to. I am not sure if I would like to pursue a relationship with him, but it is early anyway...what do you think, how do you spot a player?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 9:15pm
While I'm not sure this guy is guilty of being a player, it does seem he's guilty of a slight case of bad manners. Generally, noticing other women on a first date doesn't make a player -- it makes him human -- but being obvious about it is unacceptable. Ask yourself if he was being human or rude. If your answer is the former, give him the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. If your instinct truly says it's the latter, move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 6:16am
Yeah I do not think he meant to be rude, but it is how he came across. Although I know he is interested in me beyond sex (I went back to his apartment but nothing happened and he said he wants to see me again) and he basically complimented me the whole night saying he had the best looking woman in the room, I still was a little taken back by the way he came across. If he wants to see me again, I will definitely give him the benefit of the doubt and just see how it turns out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:49pm
Give it one more shot and see what happens. But yes, be cautious, not instantly damming. But often a gut is right. You definitely should in a casual way talk about dating philosophies. Certainly wandering eyes are one thing (and he shouldn't be doing it while with you) but other things wandering are certainly not acceptable!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 2:24pm

The first thing is that your "gut" feelings about a person are usually right.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 2:41pm
<<<... and one of them is going overboard with the compliments!>>> yeah, he went overboard with compliments...All he did was compliment me about my looks, my breasts and my butt. Also, one thing I noticed was him commenting on the exotic beauty of his ex-girlfriend; half black, half asian/caucasian, to me it was a little odd, it would be kind of like me commenting on my ex's gorgeous body (which he had)...In any case, we made plans to see each other again next Friday, he asked to have brunch with him on Sunday but I have other plans, so it will be another week before I see him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 2:48pm

I agree with the advice that it *could* be just bad manners..... or it could be your gut instince is entirely correct. I'd give it another date, and pay attention to his actions to you. Its my experience that if a guy is truly interested in *you*, that you are going to feel like the absolute center of his universe during that date. But in terms of this guy, give him another chance.... and see what happens.

If his eyes do wander, I'd be tempted to look obviously in the same direction he is, so he knows you've seen him. ;0)