Is he ready to commit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Is he ready to commit?
4
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 8:21pm
I've been dating a guy for a little over two months now. My mom tells me that even though we haven't been dating for that long, he's showing signs that he's ready to be in a serious relationship with me. First of all, he invited me out to dinner with him and his parents only after a few weeks. Second, he started talking about taking vacations together. Then, he started talking about us buying a house together. So, I thought it was time that we have the relationship talk. I'm ready to be serious with this guy but I wasn't sure how he felt since he's pretty laid back and let's things just go and see what happens. After I asked him what he thought of us as, he answered back with "Are you saying you wanna be serious?" I afraid to scare him off, so I said that I like how things are going, but I just wanted to know how he felt about seeing other people. He responded with, "Do you wanna see other people?" I said that that's not what I meant. So he said that he's not the type to go around with other women, but he's happy with how things are too." I told him that I'm not interested in seeing anyone else. So we concluded that we would just see how things go. My mom thinks that since he's the shy type, he was waiting for me to say that I'm ready to be serious and the fact that I implied that I liked the pace of our relationship, he might be scared to show anymore signs that he's ready to commit so that he doesn't scare me off. I'm confused!!!!!! I'm falling for this guy and I don't want to scare him off or think that he's scaring me off. What in the world should I do???!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 9:26pm
Don't let your mom drive the pace of your relationship. 2 months is a good time to have discussed your desire to see each other exclusively. You should not, at 2 months, be planning out your whole future together. You need to get to know him a lot more to be able to do that. Your mom is not the expert on what this guy thinks and feels. She is getting you to actually 'over think' the relationship and that is not a good thing at all. Just keep getting to know him and enjoying spending time with him. If it's meant to be more serious, let it evolve to that slowly over time. In another couple months, you could consider talking again how you each feel the relationship is going. Also, I doubt he is too shy to bring up being serious... he wasn't too shy to bring up you meeting his parents. In fact, if I were you, I would let him be the one to start the next "relationship" discussion.

Hurrying things up never helps a relationship last or become more successful. Keeping things at a steady, comfortable pace is a good idea.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 11:32pm
Thank you for your input. You don't think he would be scared off by me bringing up the committment conversation, do you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 3:05am
GG:

Might it be a good idea for you to consider talking to him about this, instead of playing a guessing game? Don't be so hard on yourself; don't be so hard on your emotions.

He sounds like a good guy to me, by the way you describe him. You have a good feeling about him and a good rapport with him; talk to him.

Consider the worst possible scenario for his response and then laugh, because you already know that wont happen. He likes you, you like him.

Don't get too carried away, just tell him you really like him and you'd like to talk with him about adding some dimensions to your relationship, dimensions such as longer term thinking and exclusivity, and that you'd like your relationship with him to be special.

My guess is that you don't feel this way about all of the guys you've dated, so tell him that. Make sure he knows that he is unique, that you feel differently about him than the other guys you've dated. Ask him if he feels the same way about you.

Good luck,

dh

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 3:33am
DH,

Thanks a lot for your positive words of encouragement. Last weekend, I thought a lot about my relationship with him and got a lot of advice from a few close friends. Pretty much they all had a good feeling about him and said that I had nothing to worry about. After taking everyone's advice into consideration and spending some time with him this past week, I've come to realize a few things about him. There's no doubt in my mind that he's very laid back. I know that now more than ever. He's the type of guy who likes to take his time, especially when it comes to relationships, and there's nothing wrong with that. Two of my closest friends suspect that he was hurt a long time ago in a previous relationship, either by something he did or something she did to him. Either way, he wants to take a cautious approach to this relationship in fear of hurting me or him getting hurt again. So he wants to take things slow. My mom and my best friend's boyfriend suspect that he was hurt also and now has a hard time trusting other people. So it takes him a while to really open up in a relationship. It's nothing against me, but he's just being careful. Again, nothing wrong with that. So pretty much, if I want this relationship to work out, I have to be patient with him and not pressure him into anything. I've always had a good feeling about him. And your message, along with everyone else's advice, made me realize that there is something special between him and I. There are some aspects in our relationship that haven't been claried through direct words. But they are implied in our actions. Right now, I don't feel that it's necessary to talk to him about the dynamics of our relationship because all my questions have pretty much been answered this past week through his behavior towards me. But down the road, if things do seem confusing, I'm well aware that I have to bring it up with him and ask him directly. For now, things are going well and I totally appreciate your input.