is he for real?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
is he for real?
2
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 3:42pm
I have been dating this guy for about a month now. Things have moved kind of fast, but I let him set the pace and I am fine with the way things are going. We see each other everyday and he tells me all the time how wonderful I am, etc. etc. He frequently talks about plans for the future....like us moving in together when my lease is up in a year and stuff like that. He recently told me he loves me. Do you think he could be for real after just a month? He doesn't have anything to gain by telling me that (we are already physically intimate). I am 25 and he is 27. I feel really strongly towards him as well, but I feel like I can't possible love this guy after only a month and I wonder how he could possibly love me.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: isis4414
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 3:50pm

A fast start like that is a pretty big red flag. It often means that the guy has an unrealistic, "fantasy" view of r'ships...and once it starts turning "real" (meaning, he has to make good on the things he's promised and/or the r'ship starts involving obligations and responsibility), he'll bail. That's why it's important, IMO, for a woman to *slow things down* even if the guy wants to go fast.

I have no doubt he's infatuated with you at this early stage, but no, I don't think he "loves" you. Love takes an intimate knowledge of the other person, and there's no way that can happen in a month, IMO.

I would take everything he says with a big grain of salt...I'm sure he "means" the things he says, in the moment, but him saying them doesn't mean they will happen. Keep reminding yourself, every single day, that it's early yet, and time will tell. I think it takes a good 4-6 months to begin to know if a person is potentially right for you, because that's when the "best foot forward" dating facade starts to come off and the real person starts to emerge.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
In reply to: isis4414
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 3:54pm
You kind of said what I was thinking, I just need some validation. Thanks!