Is he really into me? Should I ask him out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2013
Is he really into me? Should I ask him out?
5
Sun, 06-09-2013 - 6:18pm

I've been thinking about this man lately that I've met in parties a couple of times. We met for the first time a couple of years ago, singing and playing the guitar together all night, it was great :) (We were both in a relationship at the time) We also saw each other in a party a couple of months ago, and ended up having great, long discussions (though not that personal, mostly about our discipline and interests at uni), and shared a late night pizza. I also saw him about two weeks ago.... He hugged me when we saw each other (but he does that to everybody), and we always went for a smoke together (neither of us really smoke, heh :) ) Again we ended up singing and playing together (although there were also other people) and continued to a bar. He asked a lot about my musical background, my family, interests.. And we talked a lot. He also told me that he sees me as a very trust-worthy person and that I'm the kind of woman to have a family with (but he added straight away that he didn't mean that we'd have a family etc). He asked if I'd like to have a drink (but he asked that from everyone else as well). We also talked about his life and family. At some point he his arm around me (around my shoulder, nothing slimy :D ) and took my hand as we talked. At this point I started to get a bit anxious, which happens to me a lot, also if I like someone and things move quickly. We were both a bit drunk, and I told him I was a bit worried about something (and I think I took a bit more distance :/ ) Now I thought he must really like me, but then he randomly complimented my friend: that she looks like this celebrity Bond girl.. Anyway, we went out to have some pizza, just me and him, and agreed that we'd take a taxi (me to my place, he'd continue to his). He was incredibly sweet to me, insisted on carrying my bags and offering me cigarettes (and pizza). While eating I got growingly anxious though, I broke up with my ex some time ago but we were still "friends with benefits" or something like that and my ex was asking me to get back together with him, so I felt that I was torn in two directions and it was just too much for me to handle. He kept talking how nice it is to meet someone who understands and is so similar in musical stuff and shares the same research interests and feels the same about many things. He also took my hand again. At some point I think he was talking about how to spread positivity into your enviroment etc., and said something like "for example I could hug you or say that I love you even now". Now that got me extremely confused - should I read it in it's hippy world-embracing context or as something he wanted to say otherwise? He also told me he's felt at ease with me since we first met. Later I felt so anxious I had to tell him about it. He told me he really didn't want to make me feel like that, and asked me if I could tell him what it was about. I had talked extremely openly to him, but I couldn't bring my self to tell him I'm still having sex with my ex..... So I just said that we broke up recently, and maybe when I feel I'm flirting with another man I still feel I'm unfaithful to him somehow, although it's not so. He seemed to understand, and told me he didn't mean to flirt with me (?) While saying this he glimpsed at my hand (I think) and this can mean something, since I have a prosthetis in my other hand (although I'm quite attractive otherwise :) ) He told me I could talk about my ex and things that were on my mind. We talked some more (although not about that), then finally headed off, he still being the perfect gentleman, offering me stuff etc. We also talked about how both of us want children and so forth, and in the taxi he asked more questions, do I like this and that, do I write stuff like poems... When we got to my house we hugged many times, warmly, and he said he wishes all the best things to me but didn't say anything else..... I told him it's a shame to get to know someone and then not to know when you him next, I said that maybe we could send each other e-mail (he's not in Facebook), and that if he wanted I'd like to give him my number - he took it, and called me briefly so I'd get his. And after that, nothing.... Too bad, he seems like the nicest (probably the most intelligent) man I've ever met, special, unlike anyone else in his reactions etc. Did my coocoo ex stuff scare him away? I know he's single. It might seem, after all he said, that maybe he just wanted sex, but he doesn't seem like that at all. Besides it'd be too risky to lie to me - he's in a position where he's not my teacher, but potentially could be if I'd take his course sometime. So: I've been thinking about him quite a lot but don't want to make a fool of myself, in case he's not especially interested but just loving the world and spreding positivity as he does. :) Should I ask him out or wait? He's somewhat older than me. Ps. I cleared things up with my ex, no more mess there! Warm thank you to anyone who answers !

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 06-09-2013 - 6:31pm

You might just have answered your own question:  he may not want to be involved with a potential student, which is a very wise decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 12:37am

He sounds like he's a very nice friendly guy, and I think you're too busy analyzing each and every word he says.  I was about to tell you to make up your mind what you're doing with the ex, but you said you ended that.  GOOD for you.  FWB's is just a waste of your time, tying you up, with no possibility of a future.  Now that you're rid of him, why don't you contact this guy about "getting together", not to "ask him out".  You're both musicians, so if you know of someone he might be interested in appearing in your area, ask him if he'd like to go with you.  You could even buy your own ticket so he wouldn't feel obligated in any way.  If you make it known to him that you'd like to see him more, then if he's interested, the ball is in his court.  As long as you make him aware that you want to spend time with him, then it's up to him, and if he feels the same, he'll act on it.  If he doesn't follow up, then he's just a friendly guy, and you can move on and look for someone who IS interested.  Good Luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 12:38am

He sounds like he's a very nice friendly guy, and I think you're too busy analyzing each and every word he says.  I was about to tell you to make up your mind what you're doing with the ex, but you said you ended that.  GOOD for you.  FWB's is just a waste of your time, tying you up, with no possibility of a future.  Now that you're rid of him, why don't you contact this guy about "getting together", not to "ask him out".  You're both musicians, so if you know of someone he might be interested in appearing in your area, ask him if he'd like to go with you.  You could even buy your own ticket so he wouldn't feel obligated in any way.  If you make it known to him that you'd like to see him more, then if he's interested, the ball is in his court.  As long as you make him aware that you want to spend time with him, then it's up to him, and if he feels the same, he'll act on it.  If he doesn't follow up, then he's just a friendly guy, and you can move on and look for someone who IS interested.  Good Luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Tue, 06-11-2013 - 9:19am

You already made the first move in giving him your number. Now is the time to let him make some effort if he intends to. He's obviously not shy, so if he's available and into you, he'll be contacting you for a date. If he is involved with someone, or doesn't want to be in a relationship for whatever reason, or if he's just not that into you, you'll find out in the next few weeks if that's the case. From what I've read of mens perspectives, they sometimes liked it when the woman made the first move, but if she made a second, third, fourth one without giving him time to persue, it didn't work for them.

It's good that you didn't tell him details of your ex. That would be too much information, so don't give out those details in the future either. If conversations of that matter come up, give the simple answers. i.e. We grew apart because of different life goals, and leave it at that.

Yes, it's frustrating to meet someone you're attracted to and they seem as though they're interested, but nothing happens. I've been through it myself, and once, I later found out more about the guy and was glad that we hadn't gotten involved. Maybe my guardian angel was looking out for me. This may be the case for you. You really don't know anything about him. Since you just ended a relationship, I recommend staying alone for a good 6 months and getting to a happy place without a man. Then you can be picky about the guys you date and know what you really want in a relationship. Cut loose the ones who have traits on your dealbreakers list, or are lacking in your must-haves list. That will leave you available for when the right one comes along. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2013
Sat, 06-15-2013 - 5:36pm

Thank you all for answering! I sent him an sms and he asked me out :) Btw I realize after reading my own text and your comments, that I may have overanalyzed a bit.. But anyway, just to update that things are going swell!