Is he on the rebound?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Is he on the rebound?
4
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 1:19pm
Hi everyone. I started dating a guy about a month ago, and so far, things are going great. He treats me well, we enjoy each other's company and we've been having a lot of fun together. That's the good news.

The bad news is that he's going through a divorce. He and his (soon to be ex) wife have been legally separated since December. It sounds like it's pretty amicable, since he doesn't say anything negative about her and doesn't mind answering my questions about it.

I know that people make mistakes, and I'm not judging him or his ex. My concern, however, is that they've only been separated since Christmas--is that long enough for someone to get over it and start dating again? I really like this guy and he seems to like me. We were even talking the other day about it... he told me that he'd be a little nervous about dating a recent divorcee if he hadn't gone through it himself. I don't want to start something with this guy and then find out that he's getting back together with his ex or still has feelings for her.

Anyone else been through a similar situation?

-Bex

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 3:11pm
Oh, yeah, BTDT, and I would really not recommend getting involved with someone who is only separated. These guys are the walking wounded, even if they don't think they are. I have a rule of thumb not to date anyone whose divorce hasn't been final for at least a year.

I'd keep it on a "platonic friends only" level *at least* until his divorce is final.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 7:46pm
Hi,

My husband and I separated in October of last year... he started dating a woman he met on the internet two weeks after I left. They have been together since and because he and I have a good relationship we still talk. Anyhow, I asked him if he wasn't going a little fast with this because I hear wedding plans are in the making (our divorce was final one week ago) and he told me he just didn't want to be alone. I have to admit he's stupid for marrying someone just because he doesn't want to be alone but I do know that many relationships that begin after a recent breakup, don't last. I'm no expert nor do I pretend to be but I would say to you that you should take it slow and ensure that he is serious and this isn't just a rebound thing. No one knows his heart so he may very well be sincere, you know that or you will soon. Just my opinion. I do wish you the best of luck though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:36pm
I dont care who you are, the 1st year after a marriage split up is emotional hell.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:49pm
Thanks, ladies, for the candid advice. He's a great guy, but what you've said only confirms what my gut's telling me: although he seems to be pretty emotionally stable, there have to be some issues looming from his separation. Personally, I don't know if I'd be able to date again after only 6 months.

I'm going to keep seeing him (because I really do like him as a person), but take it really slow and not rule out the idea of seeing other people. The last thing I need is to take on his emotional baggage or end up getting hurt myself.

Thanks,

Bex