He says he wanted to be "just friends"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2004
He says he wanted to be "just friends"
2
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 1:23am
HI,

Please help me out with this one. This guy and I work for the same company...he works part-time with us though. He started mailing me and we kinda hit if off. He was always very attentive towards me and I could see him seeking me out all the times whenever he came in to work. We got very pally through our emails and it got to the stage where we kinda like exhcanged about 50 emails a day...every spare minute he got, he would rush to a terminal and email me..I guess I was drawn towards him then. We became really close confidants too.

He kept telling me how special I was to him and how he never wanted to hurt me and how he missed me over the weekends when I couldnt mail,how he had never met anyone like me...it was all very sweet. Plus cmon like an woman knows,I could tell from his eyes the way he sought me out and complimented me and kept telling me how smart,funny,kind and pretty I was...last week, when we were having one of our close talks, I hinted that maybe there was something more between us....he suddenly vehemently denied that there could be anything else...he was awfully upset and so was I and there were some harsh words....we both took it real bad..and then we decided that we had to salvage the relationship and he said he didnt want to lose my friendship and he would respect whatever stand I took about maintaining contact with him(hell that hurt).

See I dont want to lose his friendship but then for the life of me I cant understand what propmted him to act this way.....I was like so sure there was more happening...his hundreds of mails full of sweet nothings tell another story...I couldnt have been that wrong. I am still hurting, I want to turn this rejection into a relationship....I am in another relationship but it is not perfect and I hinted this to him many times...he is (and this much I know I think) not a nasty person and he cried when he hurt me by saying things during our fight...what do I do? I had a scary thought that he might have thought I was out for a fling (because of the other relnship) but I am not...this guy matters a HELL lot to me.

Please help me...we still mail each other a lot and I have pretended (tried) that all is fine and we are good friends...he seems to be very guarded now...and though he still tells me he cares, there is a certain restraint.

I still care heaps and I still cant believe that we were not meant to be....being with him always made me so happy...that now I am feeling lousy and awful. What can I do to get him to see the potential between us and change things? SOS.


Edited 10/31/2004 1:18 am ET ET by impulsivegal
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 8:26am
There could be many reasons why this guy acted like he did: he's involved but wanted to have some "sweet talks" by e-mail, he's a flirt, he's afraid of commitment, he's comfy with an "e-mail relationship", he enjoys the attention you give him, who knows? The reality is that he doesn't want a relationship. You cannot do anything to make him change his mind and "see the potential" you both have. It's plain and clear: he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. I'd suggest to stop the e-mails and accept that he's not for you. Picture this guy as a date: one moment hot and one moment cold. You'll never have estability with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 5:25pm
Nail yourself to a cross and burn yourself in effigy on his front lawn. Then he will see the error of his ways and fall weeping at the feet of your charred remains. Sound ridiculous? So is the idea that you can say or do anything to "make" him feel differently about you. He feels how he feels. End of story, case closed. If there were some kind of magic phrase you could utter that would instantly change his emotions, would you want a man who could be so easily swayed? If you know the magic phrase who's to say so other woman doesn't know it too? If he's not into you, he's not into you. Why would you want a relationship where you have to keep talking him into it?