He says he's not ready-what to do?
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| Wed, 04-14-2004 - 4:44pm |
I've posted this in a couple of areas but no response so thought I'd try again. Met a guy recently and really clicked - the chemistry between us was amazing. On the 3rd date, though, he turned cold. Turns out he is plagued by his ex-fiancee moving back to town (ended it 2 years ago). When things started to get going between us he found it 'overwhelming' so now says he's not ready, but wants to still see me. He sent me an email yesterday saying,
"Sorry for the roller coaster - not as ready as I thought I guess. Certainly not my intent to mess with your emotions. Hmmmmmmm. Unsure of next step but take care
of yourself and will talk in the near future. (like the non-specifics?) ;) "
I replied saying I know what it can be like to be confused or unsure, and that I, too am unsure of next steps but I didn't want him to feel pressured and I'd give him time or space or whatever he wanted, he just had to let me know.
What do you think?? I really like this guy - I want to not only get to know him but help him if I can.

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Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I would email him back and say something like "I understand; let me know if and when you are ready to move forward. In the meantime, take care of yourself" and leave it at that.
For future reference, chemistry is misleading. It's exciting as heck, but misleading. I can honestly say that my *WORST* relationships had the best chemistry.
Sheri
If he comes back to you with a clean slate later on, maybe that's okay, just make sure he's not lying.
thanks for your advice - I really do appreciate it, even if it's harsh!! to update you, I saw the guy tonight - he actually came out to a bar to have a drink with me and a couple of my friends. I was quite surprised (pleasantly surprised). He only stayed about half an hour but said he was really glad he got to see me. He's now off on business for the next 6 days and said he'd probably see me next weekend. I'll do my utmost to put him out of my head... and see what he does when he gets back.
Hi there,
So I was patiently waiting to see what transpired - since the guy said he would be back on Friday and we'd try to get together on the weekend. But after work today I went to a running club to go running and I SAW HIM there!! I saw him across the room - he didn't immediately see me. I was in shock. My first thought was - "did he lie about going away?" I had no idea. I thought about what to do , and I decided I'd walk over and say hello. When he saw me he just said hello but didn't look particularly enthusiastic, I have to admit. I said, "So, I thought you were out of town?"
And he replied, "Nope, I'm back. I did go on Sunday but the rest of it all fell apart."
He was with his friend. I asked what group they were going to run with - figuring it would be the marathon group, but they said something lighter. I said I would probably go with the 7k group, and figured they go off on their own - but they said they'd go with me. I was surprised.
Anyway, we got outside and started running - I kept up fairly well - but did mention if they wanted to run ahead, I didn't mind - as I can't expect to keep up with 2 military trained, super-fit guys. After a while they said they were going to speed up and wanted me to keep up but I declined. I kept running as hard as I could, but they ran ahead. The 'guy' looked back at me maybe once... I could always see them ahead, I wasn't that far behind - in the end, I got back maybe 7 mins or so after them. I figured they'd be gone - but they had been waiting for me to return to the club. When I got there the guy talked to me a bit but he just seemed so cold.... just like date number 3. I started walking to my car and he said, "Oh, are you leaving?" and I replied, "yeah, my car is just around the corner."
"ok, well ah, I'll call you later." I think he said it twice, if I recall.
I said, "Ok." and left.
He didn't call me tonight- what do you think? Do you think he will ever call me again or will he ever feel comfortable around me again? I'm trying sooooo hard to give him space. But the stress is killing me.
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