He says my weight "bothers" him
Find a Conversation
He says my weight "bothers" him
| Mon, 06-07-2004 - 12:18pm |
I've been dating someone for a few months. We have had a very open and honest relationship. I have had problems with anorexia when I was 18 and 19 (I'm 32 now). This messed with my metabolism and my mind and he knows that! I'm now a size 16 but a very toned and healthy 16 and I've always felt good about it. In fact..women can never believe that I'm a 16 as they say I look like I'm smaller. My BF is very thin (jeans are 31 waist size).
Anyway, last night after making love my BF said "wow, if you'd lose weight and I quit smoking..our sex life would be even wilder". (we both agree though that our sex life is pretty darned good now!) I was stunned and asked him if my weight bothered him. He said that yes, it bothers him some..more in the beginning when we started dating but still does some because his exwife "ballooned up" when they were still married. I grew very quiet..I couldn't help it..then he tried to cover up by saying "even if you were 500 pounds I'd still love you because you have a good personality." Yeah, thanks bud..that helps.. :(
Sooo, now I'm feeling a bit self conscious. I've never felt self conscious around him..always felt like he loved my and my body. I've always been very "physically liberated" around him..lol This morning though..I changed in the bathroom..usually after my shower I just walk in the bedroom and get dressed with him in there. I just couldn't go in there in front of him in the light and have him see me if he feels I'm less than attractive now. So now I'm wondering if I should cut way back on my eating and try to lose weight..scares me a bit because when I do this..I tend to revert back to the anorexia and throwing up thing. And I guess I'm angry with him because I can't believe he said that. He knows that I've had past problems with my weight and it's very touchy. All of the sudden, I've went from self confident about my body to hiding it from him and I'm questioning if I should continue in this relationship but it's been so good up to this point. Any words of advice?
Anyway, last night after making love my BF said "wow, if you'd lose weight and I quit smoking..our sex life would be even wilder". (we both agree though that our sex life is pretty darned good now!) I was stunned and asked him if my weight bothered him. He said that yes, it bothers him some..more in the beginning when we started dating but still does some because his exwife "ballooned up" when they were still married. I grew very quiet..I couldn't help it..then he tried to cover up by saying "even if you were 500 pounds I'd still love you because you have a good personality." Yeah, thanks bud..that helps.. :(
Sooo, now I'm feeling a bit self conscious. I've never felt self conscious around him..always felt like he loved my and my body. I've always been very "physically liberated" around him..lol This morning though..I changed in the bathroom..usually after my shower I just walk in the bedroom and get dressed with him in there. I just couldn't go in there in front of him in the light and have him see me if he feels I'm less than attractive now. So now I'm wondering if I should cut way back on my eating and try to lose weight..scares me a bit because when I do this..I tend to revert back to the anorexia and throwing up thing. And I guess I'm angry with him because I can't believe he said that. He knows that I've had past problems with my weight and it's very touchy. All of the sudden, I've went from self confident about my body to hiding it from him and I'm questioning if I should continue in this relationship but it's been so good up to this point. Any words of advice?

Sheri
Seems odd and I'd be really hurt as well.
You're already feeling bad about changing in front of him...put yourself in the future. Pregnant...post partum, most women look seven months pregnant for a long time after they've given birth. And when you're 40...things start to go...SOME women look better in their 40s than they ever did in their teens, not it's not the norm.
He's burdening you with his issue. You actually felt good about yourself and your sexuality before you met him. Ditch him before he creates more havoc. This isn't worth working out IMHO.
I think its better that he was honest with you when you asked...then to pretend everything is OK and have underlying issues complicating your r/ship.
But if there are other comments or instances (I had a guy changing my scale and asking me at dinner if I was full) then it might be a bigger issue.
Good luck!
I could try to lose more..but frankly, have found if I lose more than 10 pounds or so I feel sick..it stems from the metablism issues from my anorexia days..plus, I don't want the chance of "reverting" back to that mentality which is a risk of ex-anorexia people.
Than I'd find out why ALL of a sudden he's got a problem with your weight. It didn't bother him when you first started dating so why the sudden change. If you are happy with your body, do not go changing to please him.