Is he a Shy Guy or just a "friend" ????

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Is he a Shy Guy or just a "friend" ????
3
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 8:01pm
There's this guy that i've been talking to for a couple of weeks. He was a general acquaintance that I had known for about a year or so. Anyway, during the summer, we started chatting more and more when we would see each other out. Eventually it turned into emailed communications back and forth. We've even hung out together a few times. It seems to me like we are flirty with each other but not in an obvious way. I'm really starting to like this guy and would like to maybe pick up the pace and actually kiss or something.

So...here's the deal................We've recently had the perfect opportunity to kiss goodnight. I could have made the move to do so but I chickened out. Which is weird for me because I've made the first move before. I guess I'm just worried that because inside, I so much want him to like me, that I may be feeling things that aren't there.

Now for the goods........here's my question...now that you've got a summary of my situation....How do i know if he's just shy or if he just sees me as a friend? Are there any signs or signals that I should be looking for?

Also, let me add that I'm not looking to become his girlfriend overnight or anything like that. I like the fact that we are taking our time and really getting to know each other...I'm just ready to kiss him but am scared to make the first move so any advice you could give me would be really helpful.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 12:09am
Wow! This makes me think of myself when I was younger, but not terribly long ago. How easily it is to grow interest in a guy when he seems to behaving stalemate or shy.

I'd have really bad-ass crushes on guys only to have them string me along or take no action. And your heart longs...then aches a bit...then it creciendos into a crush so bad you wish you could get off the bandwagon (mostly because you can't stop thinking about him and why he isn't paying attention to you in the way you hoped he would). The thing I've learned is that it isn't whether he's shy or disinterested. He probably DOES sense you are interested. The bad news is that he probably isn't sure how he feels about seeing the two of you as an "us" (at the moment or ever) - and that attitude is nothing personal or against you as a person. There is no "what did I do wrong?" entered into the picture. It sounds to me that he enjoys spending a little lighthearted time with you but he either hasn't felt the infatuation spark yet - you know the ping you get when discussing an offbeat topic close to your heart with that rare individual who "gets" it too? Ping! Chemistry! The kind that goes beyond the mild comfort of a good friend. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants - a late bloomer perhaps.

I had a crush on a guy-friend of mine once...I flirted with him, laughed with him, gave him "hints" that there could be something more there (and he even gave hints of some interest in his body language)..then out of nowhere he started seeing this blue eyed blond, a total knockout "California Girl" type. Ouch! I crawled back to my drawing board with my head down. The stand-offish shy guy I'd known made move in a most unexpected and VERY SUDDEN direction. Surprise! He went after whom he wanted without hesitation.

The point is...listen to this carefully...I say this to preserve your emotional health... Even the most stalemate (ie shy) men will act quickly when their heart has determined he's found what he thinks he wants. You've already started to invest some of your emotional well being in this guy - and he isn't responding on the level you've invested in. It is more likely not a good sign. Pull your heart back a little before it gets hurt to assess the situation more clearly! Best of luck! Be strong! Be the best person you can be - to yourself first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 12:51am
When you made the first move before, how did things work out?

I can relate with the last poster. I dealt with a situation like this recently myself (and still trying to make sense of it). I liked a guy for a while, and thought that if I gave him enough hints and showed enough interest, he would respond. I thought he was just shy and needed a little encouragement. Earlier this summer someone he met before me came to town to visit, and the word on the street was they were all over each other at a dance party, and they were proclaiming it was true love.

What's funny (to me, anyway), is that they recently moved in together, because he said to her, "if you think about moving here maybe we can get a place together." Next thing he knows, he gets a phone call that she found a place and he's moving in with her.

It lasted two weeks. She moved out.

I, however, have given up on him. I have decided that unless and until any man makes a move, I'm not investing any emotional energy. I felt stupid, thinking this guy was shy, and supposedly he is, said so himself. I just wasn't dating material for him, I guess.

A~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 6:28am
Thanks for your input.

In the past, if i've made the first move, it was successful in the fact that i wasn't rejected. but this time, as the moment approached, i thought about it for what seemed like forever but I just couldn't do it. We've already done the kisses hello and goodbye on the cheek, which i initiated. So now, I feel like i want him to make the first move in that direction. I'm really trying to follow his lead. I can say with a pretty decent amount of certainty that he's on the shy side. Not just with me in the beginning but with mostly everyone we are around that he may not know that well. He's definitely warming up to me and showing me more of "himself". I just think that with this one, it's gonna take some time. And I'm okay with that. I guess i'm just not used to taking things so slowly.