Is he testing the waters?(m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Is he testing the waters?(m)
4
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 1:51pm


I have been trying to get together with this guy I like for

about two weeks now. We talk all the time in person. He really

doesn't like to talk on the phone much. He's having major

personal problems. Which I know about. He confided in me about

them and I totally understand. To me it seemed like he was

blowing me off or avoiding me. However you want to put it.



He told me that stuff happens and he couldn't help that he

bailed on me. He apologized. When I confronted him if he

Really wanted to go out. He first asked as boyfriend/girlfriend?

And I didn't say nothing but, my face turned red. He was like,

yeah, I really wanted us to hang out and have fun together.

But, I had some family problems come up. He acted kind of mad

at me for even thinking that he would stand me up. Then he

calmed down when he figured out that I like him that way. and

he apologized for bailing on me.



We can talk openly about anything. And we're pretty close. I don't

know if maybe he's testing me to see how I feel or what. Cause,

I really like him. And we have some things in common. My best friend

says that maybe it took me standing up to him and letting him know

how I feel for anything to happen. Like, we're supposed to go out

thursday. And he said he really wanted to. He's got so much stuff

going on he don't hardly get to see his brother and nephew.

So, I'm not mad anymore. But, I don't understand if he's testing

me to see how I feel or what. What do you all think of the situation?

should i be his friend and see what happens? should i forget about

it and move on? I don't know what to do because, I really like him-

as more than a friend... Do I let him know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 2:12pm
Um, to be honest, I wouldn't bother with someone with so many issues. A relationship is supposed to be easy in most ways, not a *does he, will he, has he* type thing.

If he's this crabby when you're just getting to know him, imagine how crabby he'll be when he's *comfortable* with you.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 2:22pm
Sounds like he has a lot going on right now. Guys that continue to make excuses are NOT interested. I'd suggest friends first, thats me.

If he asked 'girlfriend/boyfriend' ? perhaps he isn't that interested.

Perhaps you could clarify that you are interested in him....but want to get to know him better, no strings attached...?

If the guy is trying to 'test you', I'd run the other way. Why would he need to 'test you?' Are you trying out or auditioning for something? lol

Go on your date, be casual , nice, act interested, and then see if he calls you, etc. He is definiely giving off 'not interested' vibes. DO not pressure him or constantly call him. Approach this guy as a friend (my opnion).

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 2:49pm
i think its wrong timing.

I have decided to nix dating for a bit, the last 2 months or so. Anyone terrific that comes into my life - well they will have be put on hold. I have too much going on in my life right now. Its the sad truth. So, I would be this fickle wtih someone.

I am being fickle with alot of my friends because my priority is getting into a good grad school and studying for the exam. So its not like any guy should take it personally. And you shouldn't either.

When you start a rs , you want things in each other lives to be fairly calm so a rs has a chanec to grow healthy. If you start a rs when a person's life is crazy, it will be rough. I don't think you'll truly get to develop a bond with that person. Why just being friends for now is a great idea.

Don't count on getting together when things slow down, but continue going out with others, an dif things calm down for your guy, great. If he IS interested, he will make leaps and bounds to take you out, etc when his life is in better shape.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:00pm


I guess that I should have mentioned that he wants to prove

to my friends that he's not a bad person. That he's not the

type of guy who would hurt me intentionally. He also wants

for us to go out with a group. He's also kind of shy. I don't

know. Maybe he wants us to be friend's first.? Maybe I am

wasting my time. But, I really like him. I feel like all men

think of me as " a really good friend." And I'm SOOOO sick of

being every man's good friend. Or little sister. I'm 24 and I

feel like an old maid.

I've only had 4 boyfriend's and they all ended up married right

after I dated them. Sometimes' I feel like there's something

wrong with me. Like, I'll be 40 yrs old or older before I ever

get married , if I ever do. Heck, I can't even get a date.

It's not like I'm hateful or not fun. anyways, thanks for listening

to me vent....