Is he trying to tell me he is interested

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Is he trying to tell me he is interested
8
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 9:12am

Hello All,

I have been single for awhile and apparently have lost whatever ability I had to interpret male speak...

I have worked with a man for the past year. We work well together and share a mutual respect for each other professionally. Over the time I have known him, we have talked and laughed, but nothing all that personal.

A few months ago, he and his wife separated. Given the nature of my position in the company, I knew this, but we never discussed it. Obviously, he was down for a while. I would sporadically ask him how he was indirectly (such as how are you liking your new town? that kind of thing). Having never spoken of his situation, I didn't want to pry, but wanted to let him know I was thinking of him. Not romantically, but in general. I have encountered him more frequently during the work day recently with more friendliness and flitiness, but nothing I would consider over the top.

On Monday,we were talking about work things and he asked me to close the door. The conversation took a different route. A more personal route. How he liked being married, but his wife didn't (no major details). He said he felt like his life had been on hold and now he can move forward. He told me started using Match.com and Yahoo personals. Had I tried them? I said no and he went into a lengthy discussion about how he didn't think it was so bad and he was meeting a few women and was out to meet people, but in so many words not sure what he was looking for. That it wouldn't be bad for me to try (oh if it matters he is 40 & I am 35)

During this discourse, he made this one point several times, that at his age he wasn't about to just hit on women he meets at a bar or something. If a woman wanted him to do so she would basically have to hit him upside the head (his words, not mine). He is an attractive, intelligent, sensitive single man, of course, I thought about standing up and smacking him upside the head.

Was he telling me that he was interested if I were to make that first move?

I don't like that we work together and I know he is dating other women. I am in a different place in my singleness (too complacent). I am not good dating around, I am a one guy girl. If I didn't work work with him, I would have make the move without question.If I were the only woman and I worked with him, I would give it a shot. However, working with him and seeing him every day knowing he is dating others would be tough.

Sorry this is so long. Any thoughts/insights would be welcomed.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 11:38am

No, I think he was just asking you for advice as a single person. A man who's really interested in a woman isn't going to TELL her about dating other women!!!

If he were truly interested in you and was ok with dating someone he worked with, he'd be asking you out. Since he's not, I'd move on.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 5:29pm

Thanks for the input. That was my original thought, but I kept getting hung up on his repeatedly telling me about how he preferred women he knew to basically hit him over the head.

Him taking to me about any of it is odd enough, but we do get along and I am one of the few people who knows he is separate. He is pretty private.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 9:25pm
I have to agree. It sounds like you should move on.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 5:38pm

I just thought about this in a different angle. It could also be that he is dropping you a HINT that he is looking, to SEE how you react. Perhaps he wants to see if U are interested and whether you would tell him verbally, so he knows for sure, BEFORE he asks you out. Am sure he doesn't wanna get rejected. So he's just playing safe by broaching the dating subject. He's hinting.

Just my take.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 6:37pm

I was kind of thinking that myself. Not being the most forward person in terms of personal relationships, I wouldn't know how to respond in an appropriate way.

I fear rejection by him more than other men because we work together. Any thoughts on how I could respond?

Today, I almost asked him why he put me in the middle of his love life, but couldn't figure out how to do so without sounding bitchy. Today, I chatted with him briefly (I tried to keep it casual and avoid the whole dating life topic) all I asked him was if he got a chance to ride his motorcycle this weekend (I'm in Mass. all we have had recently is rain), but he brought it up. I ended the conversation pretty quickly and went back to work.

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 8:15pm

Hm....I think....if it were me, whenever both of us got a chance to talk...I'd wait to see what he says. If he brings the subject of dating, don't change the topic, or hurry him up. If he asks you anything, answer honestly. Just see what he has to say and keep listening. U can either pick up on other major clues that he wants you to, which would in turn give you more information on which to act upon or, who knows, he might come right out and tell you what's on his mind. U both like each other and are at a stage in life when you could date/hang out with each other if you wished to, so keep the doors open, and keep the conversation flowing. Ofcourse, would have to be discreet at the workplace. I think if you got the issue on the table...in a respectful, casual and curious way, you might find that it makes things easier for the both of you. Why not ask him to join you for a drink after work or something. Dont make it sound like a date. Maybe, in a casual atmosphere, he might feel more comfortable telling you what's on his mind. Just don't show any kinda neediness though, coz it might turn him away. Stay cool and casual, and see if he feels comfortable enough at a point to discuss things more clearly. And don't come under any kinda pressure. Be who you are, and know what'd you want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:11pm

Glad you got what you needed! :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 9:46am

Well, I never got a chance to talk to him again to feel out what he really meant. He is on a mini-vacation now, which is probably a good thing for me. He has been off since Thursday afternoon and won't be back at work until Tuesday. Knowing what it is like after being gone a few days, I won't have an opportunity to talk to him until Wednesday.

Hopefully, by then he won't be occupying so much space in my mind. I am still confused and I still want to know what is going through his head, but I don't want to keep my focus on it.

There are too many other things that should be on my mind...like the impending layoffs at my job, which could or could not be me. No matter who it is, with a place of only 33 people, it will hurt all. Sadly, I am one of only 4 who knows this is coming this summer. Perhaps that is why I have been obsessing over this guy lately...easier to deal with that than the job reality. Does that make any sense to anyone?