he turned me down....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
he turned me down....
4
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 4:33am
I met a guy about 2 months ago whilst we were rehearsing for a musical in which we are now performing. He started the extra contact with me through emails and sms's. We saw a lot of each other during rehearsals which was great. Now that the show is open, he is understudying the lead, so only has 5 performances. I have 23! So am basically at the theatre every night.

In the past month he invited me to see a show and I asked him to go for a walk with me on his birthday. Both excursions were wonderful and we get along really well.

On Saturday we had 2 shows (one in afternoon and one at night). He performed in the afternoon one. Then a group of us went to have dinner between the two shows. He didn't need to come along as he was not performing in the evening. But he came along anyway. He was so attentive to me during the dinner. Rubbed my back, gave me his jacket 'cause it was cold. Then he gave me a lift back to the theatre. Then he took pictures of me in my costume and even went to go and watch the show from the auditorium (I had quite a big part in the evening show). When he left he gave me a big kiss and hug (picked me up right off the ground)

Then yesterday I called him to ask him to see a movie with me last night. It was quite a late show (8h45pm) but it was my only night off for the next 2 weeks. He said he would sms me to let me know if he could make it, but didn't sound too keen when he heard it was starting quite late. This is what he sent: "Will have to take a rain check on film today, but won't mind seeing it maybe next week! Enjoy the show today!!"

What's up with this? I thought if a guy liked you he would make a plan... I was so hurt in my last relationship that I'm already wary of guys coming onto me. So when this one came along I was very sceptic. But now I really like him and he rejected my offer to go to the movies. Should I just cut my losses????

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anonymous user
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:33am
Think maybe you are reading a little too much into this. Perhaps he had already made arrangements and had things to do. He didn't say 'no' outright just said 'another time'.

I've been heartbroken in my last relationship and i am still at the stage where i can't 'ever' be with another man. Take things slowly, maybe he's the same as you, could he have been hurt previously and is holding back? You've already said how busy you are with the shows so he could've said 'next week' because of this?...

Good luck with whatever you do but take it slowly and don't think the worst of everyone in life. Who knows maybe we'll both have some luck in the future!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 6:04am
thanks hotpop! that's a really cool reply! You're absolutely right... I'm ALWAYS thinking the worst because I have been so hurt. I haven't asked him about his past relationships yet, but I have heard some things from other cast members who know a bit about him. I have also told him about the guy who broke my heart... Sometimes I wish that I lived in a bubble and could never be exposed to people who will hurt me, but then I look back and am glad that I was capable of loving so much. It's a catch 22 situation!

Ok, I will be as per normal when I see him again, but will still hold back a bit. Do you think that the fact that he is 27 and I am 31 has anything to do with it? he is very mature for his age, really shy and quite quiet...

Avatar for eliancat2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 10:27am
I wouldn't rush into any assumptions about him yet. It seems that he really does like you and is interested...perhaps you'll gain a good friendship if nothing else. I have the same problem as you- overanalyzing and worrying about a guy if I really like him. But when we do that, we fail to look at the positive-- the fact that he does seem truly excited about you, the nice things he has done for you, etc. It's always fun to have an admirer! I don't think the age difference is a big deal at all, as long as you are emotionally compatible.

I know what you mean about wishing you lived in a bubble :o). I have been so hurt before, numerous times that I immediately think if I really like a guy, he'll just turn into a big jerk or end up hurting me. But I hate when I think that way, because it just builds up anger and resentment inside of me. I'm working on trying to let that go, but it's really hard...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 10:36pm
As a fellow actress, I can say that theatre people are often very, very busy. I have been in a similar situation with an actor from a previous show, and we just closed the current show we did together. We are crazy about each other, but the timing is really off right now because of our schedules. We live in the same city, but we e-mail daily and see each other at theatre events and an occasional date when we are able to find time to match our schedules together. It is very difficult for two theatre people to be able to make plans to do something outside of the theatre. There have been a few occasions when this man had to take a rain check, but he ended up being available the following week when rehearsals were lessened or the show was in production.

If I were you, I'd talk to him about it. You could e-mail him and let him know that you really enjoyed the time you spent together and ask him if he is interested in seeing you again. Ask him to be honest with you and not to be afraid to hurt your feelings if he isn't interested. If you lay that out there, he is more likely to be honest. I did laid it out when this man had to take a rain check the first ime, and he was so wonderful and responsive. Try it. The way I looked at my situation was this: you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.