He wants a break. Whats Best for Me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
He wants a break. Whats Best for Me??
2
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:01am
Sorry to bug you guys with this, i just really need to vent and any imput you guys have would be really appreciated! :

Ive been with my boyfriend about 8 months now and things havent been the same lately....A few days ago i brought this up and he decided we should go on a "break". He says he thinks its the best idea so our relationship doesnt go bad, and so we wont break up altogether. He said he cares for me a lot but he needs some time to miss me, and that it seems he sees me more than anyone else. I know hes busy with school, work, and everything else but still i only see him about 4 days a week! Its not like we are together everyday! We do talk on the phone a couple times a day however. So i asked him if he wanted me to see other people during this break, and he told me if it makes me happy then yes. But he has no intentions of going and finding someone else, he just needs space right now. He said he still wants us to call eachother during our time off and i told him i dont feel comfortable with it, and he said dont do this dont act like this, and he asked me if i was happy, and i said lately not as much , i told him i really couldnt talk to him right now and the last thing he said before i hung up is "ill call you".

Now ill admit in all my relationships ive never been on a "break". To me this is like breaking up is it not? I love him so much but i know i deserve to be with someone who wants me, and as much as i would like to be with him, im afraid he wont miss me because of the simple fact he even needed a break. Im really heartbroken right now but im thinking maybe i should call him -when im ready to do so- and tell him that as much as i care for him we need to actually put an end to our relationship and i hope we can still be friends....

Is this the right thing to do? Will it be a little easier for me to get over him if i suck it up and just break it off altogether? Does he already have someone else? Did he ever really care? I have so many questions and i know you guys cant answer them all, but from listening to my situation can someone please give me some input?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 4:21am
I wouldn't assume that he has someone else just because he wants a break. Even though this is a sign that your relationship is not going well, sometimes people do need time apart. Sometimes it actually helps. It sounds like he is really busy and maybe he's feeling overwhelmed with everything right now. His comment to you about "go ahead and date other people if it makes you happy' sounds to me like he was being a little sarcastic and was trying to see your
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 12:32pm
Only you can answer what is best for you. From your post I'm hearing that you won't be able to just take a break but need to end things. Maybe that is the best for now. I personally don't like the idea of taking a break, it just means that one person is being strung along and the other is moving on. If he's overwhelmed by all that is going on, that is fine and you should end things. You say *I ONLY see him 4 days a week*- that is over half the week! That is a lot and for him may be too much. I know when I'm in a relationship I want to be with the other person ALL the time, but it's not always the best. There has to be the space to do your thing and the time to miss being with that other person.

If you want to go along with the break, then I suggest that you cut off all contact from him during that break. Has he said how long of a break he would want? You could tell him you want no contact for 3 weeks (or more) and go from there. And stick to it. During that time, whether a break or not, do go out and do things with others. If someone asks you on a date, go!

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