He wants me to move out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
He wants me to move out!
1
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 10:18am
Hello everyone!

I have managed to get myself into yet another sticky situation. I have been dating this great guy for about 5 months now. Things started off with a bang.. from our first date to seeing eachother everyday. Things are still going ok..but with one big problem. About two months ago my lease was up on my apt and my roommate decided to move into her boyfriends place. Me with no potential roomies and no money for a place by myself. I talked to my bf and we decided that I should just stay with him though it was never defined as living together. I put all of my things is storage and I have been "livining" with him for a few months now. Things were going great. We travel a lot and do fun things together, but recently he started saying things about our living situation. He gets two or three drinks in him and he starts in..saying things like" don't you think it is too soon for us to be living together".. "it is just not right". He has also been very distant.. He will go off with his buddies after work for drinks and not call. It is obvious that he is screaming for some space.. I can see that clearly.

I asked him about it and asked if he wanted to break up and he gave me a very strong "NO" says that things are fine just that it seems to early for us to be living together. Well now I am faced with trying to find a place and move out..though I never technically moved In. It is fine..I have some friends I am trying to work some things out to move in with. It is just that I have become so used to staying with him and the whole "living together" thing that it is going to be kind of like breaking up to me. I think that he is scared of it too.. he keeps telling me when I talk about moving to "not worry about it". This is giving me mixed messages. I know that the best thing for me to do is to be independent move out and for us to date as usual. I know that he will want me to move back in after a month or two.. It is just his personality, but I think that I am going to just tell him that unless we are getting married I am not moving back in. Why would I? just so he can freak out again and want me to leave. I know it sounds like I have it figured out.. I just want some opinions on how to not be bored and lonely once I leave. We were laying around the house last night watching tv and I got really sad when I thought that we will not be like that when I leave. I have to show him that I can do it and stick to it but this is much harder to do than what it seems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 11:39am
Girl....You need to move out! Don't take it the wrong way. If he wants you to move out trust me it is a blessing for you. I used to live with someone. I finally made the decision to leave him. I have never been so happy in my life. Now, I would never live with anyone again. If they want me to live with them...then they need to marry me first. Living on your own gives you so much freedom and space. I know how it feels to love someone and want to be with them as that is how I feel about my guy. But when something upsets you, you just go home. If he is the one for you than you will have plenty of time to live with him in the future. Trust me. I lived with someone before. My only wish is that I had moved out sooner. I broke up with him. If your guy drinks...than you don't want to be around him when he drinks like that.

Just my thought based on my experience. If finances are an issue, you can find a little studio and make it look cute. Studios are pretty cheap but they would still give you space and freedom.