HE wants to "take things slow" now!???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
HE wants to "take things slow" now!???
3
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 3:40pm
s it me? been seeing a guy for 2 mo now. very sweet, nice, honest, open etc. we have slept together twice. but...last two times nothing has really happened, just kiss goodbye. after the last time i said something about it. he said he thought we did sleep together kind of fast, btu no big deal really wants to take it slow and have great friendshihp, etc. i get what hes saying and i agree, but how do you move backwards like that? we were out late when we did and had been drinking. i know not v. romantic but.when i brought it up he also got very upset, was all worried thathe messed up, i was mad, said how much he likes me, is insecure sometimes, trying to do right thing as to not mess anything up. ok but i cant help feeling hes not attracted to me! even though he says yes and compliments me all time. this has never happened to me before! what should i do or think???
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 4:02pm
Oh grief - this has happened to me a LOT!!! I hate to scare you but he might be losing interest. It could however, be an absolute plethora of things... he could be afraid of commitment - he could be having confusion over how he feels - there could be another girl he's thinknig about -

As for advice - I have not yet heeded my own advice, but if I were to, I would back off and let him do the calling - initiating to see me - I would not push for affection with him if he is not receptive.. let him do the kissing etc. It is hard and it can make you feel really uncomfortable around him - so try to back off and see what he does. Don't call for 3-4 days and see whhat he does. it is HARD to do.. but give it a shot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 5:28pm

Well, maybe the only reason you guys slept

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 5:52pm
I think you should give this a little more time to see what happens. Two months isn't that long. Sometimes when a man meets a woman he really does like, he becomes insecure and acts flakey b/c he's so afraid of messing up. Maybe he does just regret how things happened and is afraid that now it's screwed up where things could go with you. Or maybe he's rethinking things and is trying to decide whether or not to continue with you (for whatever reason). Only time will tell you that. I agree that trying to backpedal in a relationship is difficult. Some things just can't be undone. That's why it's important to make choices wisely. However we all make mistakes.

If I were you I'd back off on the physical side of things for now and let him re-initiate that. I know it feels like a form of rejection to you, but just think of it this way -- it will be worth it if it actually works out for you two. Only you can determine that....over time. Just try to get to know one another on a deeper level. Try to relax and just take it one day at a time without over-analyzing or stressing out about it and maybe encourage him to do the same. Communication is very important but discussing things and opening up about yourself is not the same as freaking out or beating a topic to death by rehashing it over and over. Good luck.