he won't give me closure

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
he won't give me closure
2
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 9:26pm
Hi all, My boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me about two weeks ago because he felt I was not the one for him because during our relationship I had kept him at a distance and did not make him feel special because I was working through my own issues with breaking up my engagement last year and possibly going back east to continue my schooling for grad school. He says I was too indecisive and I kept on getting emotional on him and telling him this was wrong. I was trying to not fall in love because I was afraid of losing him if I were to leave and I had to find out what I want first. Well he broke up with me and I tried to end this all and get closure by letting him off the hook easy by saying that I would love to get my stuff back and I will exchange it for his B-day present.I told him I would leave it on his doorstep and it would be great if I could swing by and pick my stuff up if he'd just leave it on the doorstep because seeing him would be too hard. Well he writes me back saying he is not going to do that and that this break-up is too hard for him he can barely write an e-mail in response to my origional e-mail explaining why I pushed him away. He wants to meet up in person in 2 weeks. what is going on through his head? I know he might have hesitations I suppose. Well he had a Bday and so I left his present on his doorstep. Today I get an e-mail from him saying thank-you for the gift ( a spa set because I know he likes bubble baths) and he said it won't be the same using it without me , that I should not worry about my stuff because he will give it back to me soon. I am wondering if I should call him and demand it now because this is making things too complicated? I am hoping that he will call and we can get together and I can have a heart to heart talk with him but then his last e-mail saying he will return my things seems so certain. I don't know why he doesn't propose to do it now. Any help would be great. My ultimate goal is to get him back so I am not calling him or emailing, said I would give him his space and to call me when he is ready to get together for my stuff I suppose. Thanks all
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 10:07pm

How the heck are you defining "closure", as getting your stuff back???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 8:12pm
HI-my daughter's name is natasha so that's cool! Anyway about your question--he is holding on to your stuff because that is his way of holding on to you--once the stuff is out of there it is really "over" "done". Maybe he is hoping that you will crawl back after having time to think and tell him you love him, you're done working out your feelings, etc...etc. The stuff is the final straw--if you pick it up--a guy sees that as "it is done---permenantly". YOU need to decide what you want. Heck with him. Know the next time he will be home and go over and get your stuff---unless of course you aren't sure you want to. 4 months is not a long term relationship by any means, you make a decision..