Is he worth dating?? Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Is he worth dating?? Help!
3
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 1:01pm

I met this guy about 4 weeks ago, and since one week back we've been dating. He's pursued me a lot to make this happen. He seems really really interested in me, and tells me how much he likes me and how happy he is that we met.
At first I liked him a lot aswell.. we had lots in common an dhad fun together. But I never felt that special connection between us. For example I don't htink we could ever be just friends.

Since we are almost neighbours he expects us to hang out A LOT! I don't think it's that much fun spending so much time with him.

And I have realized just the last couple of days how crazy he is, he talks constantly, laughs and makes funs of others. It's almost impossible having a serious conversation with him. I feel like his self esteem is really boosted, he adores himself, he is always the one who knows best.
I realize now that I shouldn't keep dating this guy. but how do i tell him that now? its quite hard, and i'm not absolutely sure i'm doing the right thing in that case.
i don't want to spend another night with him, but he checks out from outside if i'm at home, and if i am he calls me and asks if we could hang out.

he is very pushy... keeps expecting us making out all the time. I told him I want to wait with sex at least, that wouldn't make me feel good when I feel this way about him, but he still wants to sleep over, and it's har dto say no when we live this close.

WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW? I don't have a clue! I have a lot of plans the following two weeks, so I guess that could do the trick... he sees us as a couple. It feels like I want to just go somewhere where he can't find me. HELP me what is going on?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 1:41pm

No, he sure doesn't sound like a good bet! That's a little scary, in fact, that he keeps tabs on you like that. That says control freak/potential stalker to me.

I think the best course to take is to call him (I wouldn't do this in person) and let him know that you're sorry but you don't think you're a match and you don't want to continue dating. He is obviously the type who will try to talk you out of it, but stick to your guns. If he persists after that, send him an email saying that you would appreciate him not contacting you any more (and keep a copy of it). If he still persists after that, file a harrassment report with the police.

Good luck, I hope it doesn't come to that, but it might, from how you describe him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 4:14pm

i agree with sheri. if your gut says "nope", then it's a "nope". and you have to be direct with him, however difficult it seems. just soften the blow by using the right words.

there's another option too, if you are not sure of outrightly cuttin him off and if you seriously 'like' the guy (don't have to be "attracted" to him, but if you feel he is not a bad person and you wouldn't mind seeing how things go in the future). you could tell him that you are feeling rushed and that you want to go slow? he might fuss, but as sheri said, stick to your guns. then adjust your course and never feel pressured to to say a "yes" when you actually want to say a "no". for example, you could say something like "i would love to go, but am sorry i have a prior commitment". or you could say "i am sorry but i don't think it's a good idea keeping in mind what we discussed. i hope you understand". you will feel uncomfortable but it will help in the long run.

goodluck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 5:31pm

You know what, you changed your mind about things, and there's nothing wrong with that. I think the first thing you should do is to tell him that you're no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with him, and that no, you will not being interested in maintaining a friendship with him either. You owe him no other explanation, and don't get into lies by telling him that you're just not ready for a relationship and so on, just be honest that THIS relationship isn't working out for you. And it's best to do it now, rather than to keep going out with him and have him grow more attached.

And once you drop the bomb, do not be available to chat with him, if you see him or he calls, cut it short that you have things to do. He may try to cling to you, so be weary of that- and certainly if he's bugging you, ask him to stop contacting you, and then if he does not, then file a police report on harrassment.

Alison

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