Is he worth it?
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| Tue, 10-25-2005 - 8:33am |
Hi all!
I've been "seeing" this guy for about six months and we have not yet committed to a relationship. There have been bumps along the way that have stunted the growth of our relationship. He lives in NC and I live in GA, so the long distance thing has also played a part in the snail's pace of our courtship. Well, I got some advice some time ago that said, "If a man can't give you everything you need, don't fully commit to him. Keep him in your radar, but get to know others." I think that this is very good advice; however, I'm wondering whether or not, when it comes to the guy I'm seeing, I'm being too picky.
The biggest problem that I have with him is that he is a man of very few words. This may not be such a bad thing if he and lived in the same state; we'd see each other more and that may compensate for his lack of conversation...or not, I don't know. He's definitely alert when he wants to talk about sex; however, when I want to talk about what's going on with me or ask him about what's going on with him, he has little to say. Anyway, I told him recently that I just don't feel like our communication is strong enough, especially since we live in different states. You know how you get a vibe from someone that says, "you can tell me anything and I'll listen..." Well, I don't get that from him. He is thoughtful, but not really a good listener. I like him, but the fact that we've been seeing each other for over six months and are still just dating says alot, right? Anyway, since I've told him, his behavior has changed. I told him four days ago and our communication has actually decreased. After I told him, he said that I could tell him anything and that it wasn't fair for me to judge him before even trying to talk to him. Then, after I told him that I don't want to have sex talks all the time, he calls me to talk about sex! I was annoyed and I showed it. How do you bring up sex after someone has just told you that they'd like more in-depth communication?
I left him a two messages on Sunday, he didn't return my calls; when I reached him (I called him), he apologized for not calling, saying he was out of town. I left him a message yesterday and no call. We talk everday! Of course, I'm not the type who expects him to always answer the phone; he does have a life. However, he has always returned my calls in the past and the fact that he didn't makes me think it's because of the talk we had. Maybe I hurt his ego when I refused to talk about sex...This kind of thing has happened before: he seems to isolate himself when he and I have some sort of confrontation...not even argument. We've never really argued!
So, with all that said, am I wasting my time? Should I just chalk this up to man behavior? If he acts like this and we're not even a couple, how will I deal with this behavior if we were?

I've been in a similar LD situation with a guy who had similar traits, so I understand your frustration.
He is what and who he is. If you need someone who is more communicative, then you need a different guy.
Either accept him as is, or move on.
Sheri
This man is not a good communicator. He likes to talk about sex though.
You like to communicate and talk about your daily activities. There are plenty of men out there that like to talk about everything. This guy isn't one of them.
Given the distance, and his petty refusal to return your calls (he's trying to punish you for explaining an issue) I'd move on.
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You are your own best counselor. Read the words you've written. Granted, he may not be a phone person but then why would he become one for sex? What is the relationship really built on?
The bottom line is it doesn't seem to be fulfilling your needs. Don't be afraid to look for what you want and desire. And don't be afraid to admit that you haven't found it in him.
Keep us posted.