Is he worth it?
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Is he worth it?
| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 10:03pm |
I've been dating this guy for 4 months now. It's amazing when we are together, like nothing else I've ever experenced in my life. I KNOW he feels the same way, not because of what he says but because I feel it from him. However, 6 weeks into out relationship he told me he was in a dead end relationship, but he left her, it was easy for me to completely forgive him for that, I wanted to be with him because for the first time in my life I thought he was the one. Oh we meet on an online dating website. Fast forward to two weeks ago. I noticed his profile was still active, it sent a shock of pain through me. I totaly lost it and I decided to find out if he was chatting with anyone from that site. I knew his email password so I checked it. Sure enough he was chatting with a lady from the website. No, he wasn't asking her to meet him for sex, but he was fliting with her, it made me sick to my stomach. I told him I knew his profile was still up, I asked him if he was talking to any girls from the site, that he could tell me I would forgive him if he would be honest. He looked me right in the eyes, lied and told me no he wasn't. I gave him a thousand chances to come clean but he just kept on lieing and lieing. You have to understand how much that hurt. He caught on and asked me if I checked his email I told him yes, he was furcious and for good reason, I'm not pretending to be an angel for snopping.
We are trying to work through this. Sometimes he gets angry with me when I bring it up and I have to "talk him down". I'm scared because I always thought I was good at knowing if I can trust someone or not, and this...god I was totally blined, I would have never ever ever thought he would have done that. BLINDED. I want things to be back the way they were before all of this happened. I mean I was untouchable, nothing anyone could say or do could hurt me because I had this incredible love, and I feel like it's been ripped away from me. I'm so scared to put in all the effort it will take to get through this only to have it happen again. I used to look into his eyes and my heart would soar, now I can hardly look at him. Please someone help me.
We are trying to work through this. Sometimes he gets angry with me when I bring it up and I have to "talk him down". I'm scared because I always thought I was good at knowing if I can trust someone or not, and this...god I was totally blined, I would have never ever ever thought he would have done that. BLINDED. I want things to be back the way they were before all of this happened. I mean I was untouchable, nothing anyone could say or do could hurt me because I had this incredible love, and I feel like it's been ripped away from me. I'm so scared to put in all the effort it will take to get through this only to have it happen again. I used to look into his eyes and my heart would soar, now I can hardly look at him. Please someone help me.

Actually, I take that back, you knew this six weeks into your r'ship, you chose to overlook it at the time (I consider lies of omission to be lies).
I think the only way you can be ok in this r'ship are either if you accept that he's dishonest and somehow learn to be ok with that, or if he basically changes his values and agrees never to lie to you again. However, that is something that is VERY difficult to do and requires a HUGE commitment of time and effort on his part.
I would strongly suggest that you read "When Your Lover is a Liar" by Susan Forward. I have been something very similar to this and finally ended it after giving him too many chances. In hindsight, I should have ended it the first time I caught him lying, but I simply didn't want to accept that the man I was head over heels in love with was dishonest.
Sheri