Is he worthy of a second chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Is he worthy of a second chance?
3
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 3:23pm
Dear Doyenne:
After discovering that my serious boyfriend of 1.5 years cheated on me, I immediatly broke up with him and though heartbroken and shocked, went on with my life. The first week apart we did not talk at all. But come the second week of being apart up until currently, which has been about two months since, my ex constantly calls me, emails me, text messages me, at all hours of the night and day, crying,begging, and trying to convince me he'll change for me, and that he was wrong, and that he wants me back. He says he has had a reality check of the type of person he had been and wants to become a better person. He has even offered to not go on a trip with a bunch of his buddies over the holidays which he has planned for and been excited for for months, but instead take me somewhere as an attempt to re-kindle my trust in him. He has even dropped hints that he wants to propose to me. He has been fairly consistent with his attempts, and I find myself starting to give in little by little. The thing is, our relationship was wonderful, he made me very happy, and he showed me lots of love and affection. While in our relationship, I was positive he was the one. So the notion of taking him back is awfully tempting. The only thing is, he didn't just cheat on me once, he did a couple of times with random girls. Am I really to believe that he is willing and able to change like he is so determined in making me believe, or should I believe once a cheater always a cheater? His efforts seem so sincere, I would hate to throw away rekindling a love that was so great just because the rules say to do otherwise. I need expert, non-judgmental advice, I am a smart women, but I don't know if I am looking at the situation blindedly or not. Please help me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 4:14pm
is it worth the increased risk that he'll break your heart again? you have to face the fact that it's more likely that he'll break your heart now that he's done it once.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 4:27pm

What concrete steps has he taken to change the morals and values he has that allowed him to cheat in the first place?

All the messages in the world are worthless, if he hasn't gone to counseling or somehow made a *fundamental* change in his character. This isn't something that changes overnight or (usually) without professional help.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 5:17pm
Key thing to remember is no one ever died from a broken heart. This hurting pain you feel now is momentary it doesnt go away right away it takes more than 2 months to get over an ex it might even take more than a year. What kind of self value are you givng yourself if you take him back? The best thing for you to do is to ignore him and move on he hurt you he did you wrong you can forgive but not forget. Personally I wouldnt put my heart on the line especially with someone that has broken it once before