head or heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
head or heart
2
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 1:52pm
I know the best is somewhere inbetween, but if it could only go one way or the other, if you had to choose, is it better to just live for the moment or break it off so it won't hurt more later on?? Which one do you tend to do and why? Has it worked well for you? Do you wish you'd done differently/the opposite??
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
In reply to: halle2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 2:37pm

The heart.

Look at it this way - from a biological standpoint - if the heart stops, the brain stops quickly. The brain sends the signals that causes the heart to work, but its really the heart that is the source of power. This is also true for emotional matters - the heart always knows what it feels because its running on internal signals - the brain however, gets so much stimulation from external sources that it thinks its in control.

When you 'get out of your head' and listen to your heart and follow your gut instincts, you will always do the right things.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: halle2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:36pm

I don't see this as head vs. heart. I see this as heart vs. heart. If your heart for YOU has had enough and doesn't want to hurt any longer (and knows it could and should be treated better)...then go with the heart that is yours. The heart that feels for him can feel all it wants to for him and is selfless in that regard - which is dangerous. The two hearts have to operate together and when everything is in balance, then there is no question of head vs. heart. Do you see what I mean? Sometimes we love to our detriment and that is not good and is not appreciated by the SO...and shouldn't be...because then one is not really loving the other person...morelike...hating themselves. Some men feel that women need to show love to the point of self destruction and that is a warped and sick perversion of what love really is.

As far as life experiences...I have only had 2 serious relationships that ended up in marriage both times. As much as I may have loved or fell out of love with both...the decision to divorce was very much my heart's love for me and I don't regret either divorce. With the other guys, my common sense was a big factor in guiding me through most of those relationships along with my feelings of how I wish to be treated.

"Living for the moment" - I can take that a number of ways. I tend to live my relationships in the moment..with a peek down the road to ensure I have a realistic vision of where anything could possibly go with that relationship - that is how I stay grounded . I have thrown myself into situations where I decided to throw caution to the wind and I don't regret it, but I knew what I was getting into and decided that whatever it is that I felt I needed to experience at that moment was more important to me than playing something completely "safe". But one has to really see things clearly from all ends to play something out that way and still feel good about the end results, even if it hurts.

In terms of "breaking off so you don't hurt more later"...I have not been in that position. I have made decisions that were in my best interests overall (security, financial security, job, physical safety) versus a relationship but it was decisions made by my gut and it was the right reaction at those times.

No matter what you do in life you can't avoid hurt, but you can ensure that you don't get creamed all the time by making bad choices. There is a HUGE difference between taking calculated risks and just jumping into something without thought. And some people try to be spontaneous and risk taking, but do a miserable job because they dont know how to make decisions. Even a spontaneous decision is still a decision. Understand that there is a difference between taking a chance at love versus jumping into a mess.