head over heals......

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
head over heals......
5
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 8:34pm

Okay-so most of you all know that I am seeing someone I met online--our 2nd date was last night. It went fine--but again things happened that shouldn't have...and I don't think either one of us regret it--alot of attraction...both adults. The thing is...is since he is older (42) 8 years older then me, I am struggling with believing things he says to me. Part of me can see that he is ligite--the first thing he ever said to me was, "what are you looking for?" and then he said "I am looking to be married hopefully within the next 2 years." And

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 11:37pm
This guy is a charmer and has you all wrapped around his finger already. Usually, when you meet online and then decide to meet in person you have a false sense of "intimacy" but in reality yu don't know the guy. You know what he tells you online, his poems, words of care, thoughts, etc. The real thing occurs when you meet and you did and went straight to bed. He's probably smitten with you and will be until he meets another woman. The "dating exclusively" after 2 dates is just a way to tell you that he's liked what you've offered and that he'll be coming for more of the same... If you wan to date him seriously stop the sex and talk to him, then you'll have your answer.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 12:02am
Oh, man. If you'd asked me a couple years ago, before I got involved with the ex now known among my friends as "The Liar", I'd have said, "sounds good!". But my ex was saying the same type of things very early on (also without me prompting), calling me all the time, etc. We agreed to be exclusive on our 2nd date. Everything seemed *great*; I thought, "this is what people mean when they say 'you just know'", and that we were two mature adults who had finally found someone who was right for us in each other.

But then about six weeks into it, some things started to not add up. Turns out he had put his profile back online (after we'd specifically discussed taking them down and agreed it wasn't appropriate to have one up if you were dating someone exclusively...HE was even the one to bring up taking them down!). Long story short, he turned out to be a very dishonest person who was making plans for when we'd get married, how it would work, etc., and at the same time emailing and making plans to meet other women from online sites.

So...who knows. Your guy could be TOTALLY on the up and up...or he could be like my ex...or something in between. Only dating him over time, and seeing if his words and actions are consistent, will tell you what his story is.

The biggest problem I see with becoming physical early on (at least this is what happens to me) is that your judgment is impaired. You become emotionally attached, and so you gloss over things that might make you go "hmm" if your hormones weren't involved, and/or, if you DO find out things that are red flags, you twist yourself into a pretzel to make it work, because you're already "gone".

Good luck...I hope things work out, but TRY to remind yourself that it's early and only time will tell.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 7:43am
Well, actaully, I am not emotionally invloved yet, I kind of pulled back yesterday when he called, I didn't really want to talk. I am a little because
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 8:07am
I agree with you as far as the emotions, but, I am not that far gone as to be stupid about it. He did take his profile off after the 1st date on his own, because he said as far as he was concerned and unless I told him differently, that he wasn't looking anymore. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said "what exactly does that mean, involve?" and he said "see me only exclusively while we continue to get to know each other" he says "I think we have found something here-you have grabbad ahold of me and I am really excited about getting to know you and see where this takes us" And we don't just sleep together-we actaully go out on dates and Friday we went for pizza, went for a walk in the park, watched
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 9:23am
Well, all I can say is, The Liar did ALL that stuff you describe and more. He acted like a man who was falling in love (and later like a man IN love)....but he was just really good at deception, unfortunately. I think he did it deliberately to get me off my guard.

Players take all forms, and to my mind, the type like my ex who behave as though they are totally in love with you are the worst. Again, I'm not saying this guy IS a player, but given the way my ex behaved, the way your guy is acting is no guarantee that he is NOT a player.

Take a chance, but be smart and observe whether his behavior matches his words over time. I wouldn't see him more than 1-2 times a week at this point if I were you.

Sheri