Heart says Yes, Mind says NO!
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| Sat, 12-04-2004 - 2:29pm |
I have a major prediciment. I signed up on a dating site
as a complete joke, just to browse the man candy when bored online.
One night I came across this profile and because I wasn't a memeber,
sent a flirt to the person. The next day I had an email and later on that evening
he sent me an IM. The conversation was fine, and the next night we spoke again.
I don't know what it was but I wanted to talk to him on the phone.
So I asked for his number and we spoke for 3 hours. Ever since then
we've spoken just about everyday for hours on end. He ended up going away for
a while and even called me a few times from overseas.
The thing is he's been really insisting on meeting, and though my heart says yes
my mind says no because I hadn't been entirely honest with him. As I said I
set up a profile as a joke and lied about my weight. I then told him I had lied about
the weight and made myself 20 lbs heavier than wht I wrote. Truth of the matter is I'm about 50 lbs heavier than the "original stated weight". I did sent him a picture of myself but thanks to the computers, cropped the image so he didn't see my lower part where is where I carry my weight.
He's been putting the pressure to meet, and though I want to, I don't know how to be
honest with him about what I look like. He keeps saying its all bout personality, but I find it hard to believ that its not about looks. Not to sound egostical, I'm a pretty girl, don't have a problem getting a guy, but he's a guy I desperatly want and I'm afraid
he'd be so disgusted by me......what do I do? DO I meet him? do I end ties though I dont want? I'm so CONFUSED....

Ok, first things first: you need to stop with the "he's a man I desperately want" mindset, and have NO expectations! Take it from someone who is experienced at online dating: I can't tell you how many times I thought from phone and email that I was going to hit it off with a guy and there was NO spark in person. That's why it's not a good idea to spend "hours" on the phone with someone you haven't met; doing so creates unrealistic expectations.
As for lying, well, who knows what his reaction will be. I personally would have a hard time dating someone who'd lied to me not once but twice (you had the opportunity to come clean but instead you compouded it with another lie). But, he may not be such a stickler for honesty (who knows, he may be lying himself!). As for whether he's attracted to you, that's something that you won't know until you meet (and he may end up not being attracted for a reason that has *nothing* to do with your weight!).
I would meet him ASAP for coffee and see what happens in person. What other choice do you have, really, if you're going to have a chance in hell of possibly forming a r'ship?
Sheri
hi kefxi,
Bellina sends greetings! Well,must say I've sort of done this but not online.My galfriend
Michelle wanted to match me up,(10 somewhat yrs.past)with her goodfriend and nextdoor neighbor.I agreed as michelle gave me a photo of him(resembled a younger Harrison Ford,circa Indiana Jones flick),described him as personable,witty,funny,in building/contractor/homes,never married,etc.I gave her a photo of myself,(but from 5 years
earlier,more slender,longblonde tresses,etc..).I had then been a tiny size 6,and at 29 turned to size 12,lost my Pamela lee tresses for more contemp shoulder,feathered hair.Anyway,we met and he seemed very much like his photo,personality too,and when he saw me..first stated,why'd you cut your lady godiva flaxen hair?I quickly responded guess godiva got liberated,lost her tresses,white horse and found her clothes! He laughed
as I decided to use jovial chat as he was too very humerous!We seemed to click immediately,had mutual tastes in many aspects,interests and good attractions!We dated for
approx. 1 year.Don't want to put a damper on this,but residing 100 plus miles from different states hindered our times spent together,also busy job schedules.This all wore at our pleasant relationship,I felt could have been a love relationship,he however didn't
want to leave N.J for Long Island(previously resided for several years).C'est l'avie,I was crushed,but not that meloncholy as love lost it's luster with less dates.Anyway,luv
you're editing the weight in photos should not hinder meeting.Be honest in a phonechat and
state your a very zoftic,pretty intelligent gal.Bet he won't mind something more to hold onto after using some humor,who needs those skinny,liposucked supermodels that a slightest breeze could knock over!Say your a plus size diva and a brainier Anna Nicole(plus size)Smith,think about this,or be inventive.If he's worth it,perhaps he's not what he described in physical appearance either,and could be an older photo too.Then you can both joke.Best wishes! Bellina