Heart torn between two

Avatar for baddoggood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart torn between two
5
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 2:13am
About 10 months ago, I met this gentleman from the UK . We met online of coarse, on this online game. We were very shy with eachother, until suddenly we started hanging more...who knows why, he just started coming around more and for some odd reason I could suddenly talk to him. Very well in fact, and I have found we can talk freely about all most anything. He's been there for me a lot, helps me through a lot and has even helped me go to the doctor because I am low income and can't afford it. All though there have been times, where it's felt like we've been getting 'closer,' neither of us have come out and said anything. He says I am special, he cares for me and wants me happy and well. He has said we get on so well, but never gone into how he feels about me. I can say I have felt something for him a long time, but I kept it to myself.

With that, about three months ago...I met a aussie. Again, same place, same thing...started as friends, but in the last month, things have grown and we have become closer. He has made it quite clear he would like to persue things and is open about his feelings for me.

Well these two have met, and the gent from the uk saw the aussie was quite fond of me. He came straight out and asked if we had something going and I said yes. He asked if that meant we couldn't hang out anymore, and I said absolutly not, that he was extremely important to me and I didn't want a thing to change. He said yeah we didn't want to loose what we had. So the next day comes, and he is different...he came on, didn't im me and hardly acknowledged my presence when joining my chat group. For the last 6 months, we have had the same routine...he ims right away, we go to my area for a long chat in voice by ourselves.

So..getting down to it. I didn't handle the distance from him well at all. I found myself surprisingly very upset, and I cried a little as I wrote him a email telling him so. The next day, I didn't come online to see him, but my screen filled with messages from him and a good girlfriend from washington state . I didn't answer, so they both called my phone and left messages. He said on the answering machine, that we needed to talk and he didn't want me down, to please come talk to him. I wrote him a email instead saying that I guess this confirmed that I felt more than I should for him.

The next day, I showed my face...and my friend said she had a long talk with him . She said he just kept saying we had to talk, had to clear things up. And she said to him, "Look, if you have any feelings for this girl, you better tell her." She said he just kept saying, "but she is with xxx." SO...he comes on, and immediatly he calls me to him and tells me he's sorry, he never wants me to hurt. He asked if I liked him, I said yes. He asked if I liked xxx, I said yes. He then asked if xxx and I really had a thing, or did I just make it up to get him to do something. I said no I didn't tell him for that purpose. He lightened the convo, because he said I didn't sound ok and wanted me to cheer up. When it came time for him to leave, he said he'd still be good if I decided to stay with xxx...he just wanted me to be happy. And that kind of confused me, because it was all most like saying I have a choice now, but at the same time he didn't tell me if he felt the same. He said I was very special, but that was it. Perhaps he doesn't want to influence what I have going with xxx atm or ?

At any rate, I am just a mess...my heart torn between two great men. My girlfriend asked me if both of them were standing in front of me, and both wanted me...who would I go to. And without hesitation, I said the one from the UK. But the problem here, is there is a high possiblity of the UK one not accepting me for what I am , I'm not thin in otherwards. The aussie, don't care...accepts and wants me as I am. My friend says to put myself into the aussie, because he is willing to move forward and he is more unconditional...but my damn heart still calls to the uk man. I should probably tell him I have a weight problem , but HOW...how can I do it without feeling pain or embarressment??

In the meantime, the aussie senses my distance and the uk guy says we'll talk about it more this weekend. I just don't know what I'm going to do for sure....does anyone have any advice or suggestions to help me guide myself in the right direction??? :(

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 6:25am
have to say that although i am a little keen on the internet and modern technology it seems to me that you need to meet people off-line. From what you say in your post, you have a weight issue? This is why you are kind of hiding behind a computor screen i think. If your personality is so good on-line then you obviously have a charm around you to attract others. I think that you should probably let both men go for a little while and sort your own head/heart out. It's difficult thing to do but,i think if you spend some time away from both men you may realise that it's yourself you need to sort things out with rather than thinking that these two men are the solutions to all your problems.

good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 7:59am
"Internet people and connections"...never true and honest. Apparently, you don't have your feet on the ground if you're talking about being torned between two "online guys" you haven't even met yet. You mentioned that you "hang" online with them. It means that each one of you come out at their own convenience and play games with each other. One isn't obligued to the other. The Uk and the Aussie can be for that matter two men who are playing games with you. You should get your butt up and off the computer to live in the real world.
Avatar for baddoggood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:03am
Yeah perhaps you two are right...I mean, going to work, to family functions, out on the town on the weekend, dates etc...yeah sure, I suppose you are right....I live in a make believe world because I enjoy getting on the puter every day after work. I do apologize for counting on any advice....I mean I've seen others ask about meeting others online here and they don't get told the above to get out in the real world. I mean, honestly I wasn't looking for anything with either of these guys. It just happened...plain and simple. And perhaps if I said nothing about the weight, maybe I would of got some real advice as well. Fact is, the aussie knows about the weight....and he doesn't care.

But thanks for your time reguardless....take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 2:43pm
Hon, you should snap out of that "make believe world" you say you live in. The Aussie said "he doesn't care about the weight", that should be the last of your worries. Beside, who is he? How do you know he doesn't care IF you were to meet in real life? Online hangings/romances happen but that doesn't mean that people should make them their lives and be torned if they don't work out. If you don't like the opinions you're given here you're free to disregard them and hope that someone "takes your side" and give you some sympathy.
Avatar for baddoggood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 6:38pm
I was being sarcastic about the 'make believe world' dear...don't read into things so literal. Not looking for sides...was looking for advice, twist it as you may.

I had someone come in to work the other night and ask me out....I guess I should of told him to bugger off since I was in a real life situation -afterall, I didn't know him at all other than him coming in every so often. I live in a small town, it is very hard to meet people..should I limit myself just to this town? Come on, think a little bit...this is one situation, not my life.

You see...I don't stop living because I met someone online and it don't mean I am limited to just online-FACT is, this is the only times this has happened. I was in a game, having fun for cripes sake...not on some dating site looking for love. YOU laced it that way. Good for you, pat on the back...here's a cookie. I go out on real life dates, I go to many family things, out with friends, bars/pubs, etc...because I enjoy the computer after work, I am labled as living in a fantasy world. I don't want your pity, keep it for yourself....along with your opinions.

So with that....I'm not commenting anymore on this, you gave your view and I gave mine. And by all means, have the last word if you must....meh it's your time, which appears you find just as much to hang on the puter as me. Oh oh!!! ROFL :D