HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
HELP
1
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 10:35am

WELL I AM CURENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN I DATED 2001 FOR A YEAR AND A HALF. WE BROKE UP. BUT THROUGHOUT THE NEXT YEAR KEPT IN CONTACT OFF AND ON THE FOLLOWING YEAR. THAN THIS YEAR IN MAY OF 2004 WE BEGAN DATING AGAIN AND WE STILL ARE TOGETHER. HE HAS BEEN A GREAT BOYFRIEND AND HAS IMPROVED SINCE THE FIRST TIME WE DATED IN THE PAST.
WELL WHEN WE FIRST DATED EARLIER THIS YEAR HE TOLD ME HE HAD A CHILD ON THE WAY WITH SOME ONE HE DATED FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS. I WAS TOTALLY CRUSHED. I MEAN I WANTED TO ONE DAY HAVE A FAMILY WITH THIS MAN, AND HERE IT IS HE IS ABOUT TO HAVE A CHILD WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
I THOUGHT THIS OVER A LOT AND DECIDED WE WOULD CONTIUE THE RELATIONSHIP, SINCE HE WAS NOT DATING THE MOTHER ANYMORE. I DECIDED I COULD DEAL WITH IT, I WOULD JUST BE THERE ON THE SIDELINES TO SUPPORT HIM.
WELL TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT YESTERDAY DEC 13 AFTER NOT HEARING FROM HER FOR 5 MONTHS SHE CALLED AND TOLD HIM THE BABY WAS HERE AND THEY WERE AT THE HOSPITAL. HE CALLED AND TOLD ME ALL THIS, I TRIED MY HARDEST TO BE HAPPY AND CONGRAT HIM BUT IT TOOK ALL MY ENERGY AND I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP. I COULDNT HELP FEELING LIKE THIS SHOULD BE US. DURING THE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER IN 2001, WE DID ATTEMPT TO HAVE A CHILD WITH NO SUCCESS. I GUESS IM FEELING FEELING THIS WAY CAUSE I COULDNT GIVE HIM A CHILD AT THAT TIME. I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE LIKE WHERE DO I STAND IN ALL THIS? I CANT HELP FEELING LIKE OUR RELATIONSHIP IS OVER NOW.
REALLY I AM HAPPY THAT HIS CHILD IS FINALLY HERE AND I HAD SOMEWHAT COME TO GRIPS WITH IT BEFORE BUT I GUESS I WAS IN DENIAL FOR A LITTLE WHILE ABOUT THE WHOLE ISSUE.
I GUESS I DONT REALLY HAVE A QUESTION, JUST NEED ADVICE LIKE AM I WRONG FOR STAYING IN THE RELATIONSHIP, SHOULD I JUST NOT BE INVOLVED AND LET HIM GET HIS DADDY THING TOGETHER. I REALLY LOVE THIS MAN AND I DONT WANT TO LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP, BUT I KNOW THIS IS A BIG CHANGE FOR HIM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
In reply to: majestic23
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 11:27am
well, if you really like him and see a future with him, i don't think the baby should affect how you feel. i can understand that you feel a little insecure about it all but that's normal. he seems to care for you and is being honest so if this is maintained, i think he can be daddy to the new baby and boyfriend to you. you can be supportive of his new baby, knowing that one day you two will have children of your own. he's with you for a reason. he's not with the mother of the baby for a reason also. So don't worry, stand by his side and enjoy the new baby with him (though it would be hard, try to think positively about this situation or it will just consume you and destroy the relationship you have with him). DB