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| Wed, 12-08-2004 - 1:54pm |
I have a crush on my fitness trainer and I get the sense that he is interested in me too. But I've been recieving so many mixed signals.
I know that fitness trainers are supposed to ask their clients a lot of questions about their lifestyle, so I ignored his interest in me at first. But his questions got more personal. We started talking about things like who we find attractive, what i feel about dating men in my own race vs. outside, etc. He's white and I am black so that's how we got into that disussion. We talk about music a lot. He loves hip hop and I'm not really a big fan of it.
One day he called me to tell me that he was stuck in traffic and asked if I wanted to schedule a later session. The call turned into a longer conversation. He actually asked me if I had time to talk, like he didn't want me to go. This has happened a few times before, where I've tried to get off the phone and he wants to stay on longer asking me questions.
Anyway, one day we got on the subject of dating and he told me that he does not date women from the gym (not that I asked him this question) and then he sort of looked for a reaction from me. Next session he told me that he can't tell how I'm feeling from the expression on my face. He says these bizzare things out of the blue and he tries to make me laugh. I've caught him looking at me a few times on the days I'm not training with him.
I'm just so confused. I've been sort of aloof with this guy because I didn't want to seem unprofessional, but I do like him and would love to be more open but not if I can't get a clear signal. I wish he would just ask me out. I want to believe that book "He's just not the into you" but I do think things are a little more complicated than that book makes it seem. I just can't believe this guy could be this insecure. He's so hot!! But maybe he's used to women asking him out, but I'm not going to do that. Am I crazy for thinking this guy could be interested?
Edited 12/8/2004 2:27 pm ET ET by musgrrl

Well...it is pretty simple...you're just trying to make it something its not.
First.....let's say that your assumptions are correct. That he calls and it ends up being 'talking' and not about business. And that he's being honest when he says he can't read you by your face....you've said you try to remain aloof intentionally.
So...here's the thing. NOTHING that you've done has sent a signal that says "I will NOT go out with you" - quite likely unintentionally and in ways you can't even realize becuase it's subliminal messages...you've indicated "I'd absolutely love to go out with you".
Now...he's stated that he doesn't date women from the gym. I"m a trainer but a woman, and it makes perfect sense. IF you date the people that you train...if the dating ends, so does hte training and the money. It's the sam eprinciple as "don't ate people in your office' - except your office is a gym.
So, he's sending out these signals that you're "not sure of"...while giving you a very solid statement "I don't DATE women from the gym."
IT's one of two things.....a) you're misreading into what he says and does what you want to hear (aka - mixed signals).....b) he is absolutely correct and he will not DATE women from the gym....however, if he finds one attractive and amusing, he's more than willing to hang out, possibly hook up - as long as it isn't considered formal dating and there is no obligation and no negativity to his clientele list should the hanging out/hooking up end.
I've known plentyo f trainers that intially took the "I don't date clients but I'll hang out" attitude. They ended up hooking up....you're talking about people who are already into physical activity, being able to "touch" one another under the guise of professional ethics and responsibility. There's "arousal" in that conceptually and in reality...and if you start "hanging out with the clients - you likely will end up hooking up."
You might ask around...and see if he's got a reputation as hanging out with his clients...and hooking up as well.
So..this isn't about what he wants...it's what do you want. What isobvious is that you can't get a date with him unless YOU ask? If you're willing - go for it. The worst he can do is follow thru on what he said from the beginning - I do not DATE women from the gym.
If you ask him to hang out......and whever it goes, it goes....realize that what you're proposing is that we're each going to be responsible for our actions, intentions, expectations and feelings.......and nobody is obligated to anything after hooking up - than before it.
Also...what he's doing "with you"...is not "about you"...he likes to flirt, he likes the attention, this sounds like he's found other clientele attractive before, and he's found a justification around his requirement of "I don't date women in the gym"....so he's not so much interested in you as a person...as he finds you appealing physically.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Doubleblade,
Thanks for your insight. It good to hear from a trainer's point of view. I think I'm going to let it be. He's a good trainer and I don't want to ruin things by making a move that would make it uncomfortable. Besides, if this guy is interested, he'll make it clear. At least this is what I've been hearing from other guys.