Help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Help!!!
4
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 11:31am
I have been dating a 36 years old guy since last Oct. It went slow and pretty well. We spend nice V'day together. He is sweet and consider guy. We see each other once or twice a week. We stay over night at my place or his place lately, about two month now. However, about 3 weeks ago, he started to work at weekends and he told me he is starting working out at GYM every day after work. In past two weeks, we only see each other once at work day. We didn't spend weekend together for two weeks. I was frustrated and he felt it. I talked about this a little bit about his work out. He was upset about what I said and he cancel the date that night. He called only once after that. We didn't get together for about 10 days now. I send him email last Friday. He didn't return my email and didn't call during the weekend. He send me email this morning saying that he thought about out talk and he asked to get together tonight. What's going on with him? Is this a sign that he is going to break up? I like him a lot, I feel really pain for this. However, if he really wants to break up, what should I do? Should I break up first to avoid being hurt?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: aprilagain2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 11:35am
I don't see how pulling the trigger first will avoid any hurt on your part and wonder how that is a priority for you when you're talking about someone you care about and were intimate with - keep a perspective on this.

It sounds like he is not that interested anymore in continuing - working out has become more of a priority than seeing you and he has become unreliable. I would let him go without tears or analysis - just tell him that if he changes his mind and wants to make you a priority again he can call you and you will consider it but until then no contact. Don't email or call or chase after him - want only those who are sincerely interested in you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: aprilagain2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:20pm
Thanks! You are right. It doesn't matter who pull the triger. However, I like him a lot. I knew I need to take off from this relationship in my brain, but my heart doesn't want me leave. I don't know why suddenly he is not interested. We had really nice V day together and we went to NYC. How should I deal with my heart?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: aprilagain2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:31pm
Hi!

Give him air! Sounds like you are more into this than he is. Get some activities going in your life and keep busy, busy, busy so that he won't be dominating your thoughts. Only rtn his calls and respond to his emails for every few or so emails he may send. Do not jump through hoops for this guy and show with your actions that you have a life too. Be unavailable and when he does call, just be cool and nonchalant. Let me know how it works out!

Take care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: aprilagain2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:57pm
So why don't you just hear him out tonight and see what he has to say? Maybe he wants to talk about ways that you 2 can get along without crowding each other so much. Just make sure you let HIM say what's on his mind before you jump on him with all your concerns. Don't make him feel like he is "defending" himself. That's not going to get you anywhere.

Listen to him, ask questions where appropriate, don't CRY, don't blame, and stay calm.

If he sounds like he's breaking up with you, you can agree. You'll save some of your dignity that way. You can say: "I agree... this relationship really isn't working for me either, and I think we'd both be better off dating others."

OK... so it might not exactly be the way you feel RIGHT NOW. But hon, if a man wants out, there's no point in trying to hold onto him. Let him go. It will hurt for a little while, but then you will begin feeling better. Once you let go, you free yourself of being dependent and desperate. He can no longer hurt you and make you feel unimportant. Because you ARE important, and you deserve someone who has enough interest in you to give you the time you deserve.

Anyway, I certainly hope you 2 are able to works things out. Stick to your principles, but also keep an open mind. Good luck.