Help! Advice Needed
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Help! Advice Needed
| Sun, 03-14-2004 - 10:20pm |
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost ten months. We have always been very up front with each other. He has told me about his past girlfriends and that is how I learned about one of the more serious ones that he had broken up with about five months before we started dating. She is from a different state but she came up to the state where me and my boyfriend live to go to school. Part of the reason she came was for my boyfriend. They had met on the internet and talked on the phone and he went down to her prom and when she decided to come to school here they decided to hook up. They dated for about four months before he got sick of her and broke it off. They were friends with benefits for about 3 months after that up until about two monts before we started dating. She had even wanted to get back together with him over the summer even though she would be back home. I guess he just told her that he didn't want a girlfriend over the summer. I was the exception because we hit it off really well and thought the opportunity was too good to pass up. His ex calls him a lot. In the summer it wasn't that much because she was so far away. About a month after we started dating he went to Vegas to see friends get married. This had been planned for a while and so his ex-girlfriend went too because she had been invited. I heard from his friend that she was trying to get with him while they were down there. She kept trying to get him to talk to her about them getting back together, even though she knew that he was dating me. He told her off, I guess. When she came back up for school, she stopped by his house to get all of her crap and even went to the trouble of buying him nice birthday presents. Even though we were not there at the time it still bugged me. She started calling him more and more and always wanted him to come hang out with her. He never did but she came to his house a couple times and that is when I met her. After Christmas break she called him to come get her at the airport and take her back to school. After that they really started talking and it really began to bother me. She called all the time and kept wanting him to come to her. Once he came home late from work and when I asked him why he said that he was talking to her cause she called but I was not convinced of that so I looked in his phone log. That was horrible of me but I was really confused. He had actually called her. I confronted him about lying to me and he apologized but now I worry. He even told me that he erases his call logs so that I won't get mad. He admitted that when I asked but I still think it is weird. I sent her an email to see what was up and she was really bitchy to me and totally dodged my questions about her liking him and wanting him. She just went back home for spring break and she came over to his house so that one of his friends could give her a ride to the airport. My boyfriend was upset because she did not ask him because everyone always goes to his friend and because that is when they get to see each other talk and hang out. The firend that gave her a ride to the airport told me that she brought me up in their conversation too. He also told me she probably does still have feelings for my guy. I think she still does have feelings for him and that is why I am not comfortable with them hanging out. I trust him but not her. I know he would stop things but I don't like the idea of anything even being tried If friends is all it is that is cool, it would not bother me. Am I worried over nothing? What should I do? We have talked about it but he never understands? HELP PLEASE?!?!?!

His ex obviously still cares for him. Has he clearly told her that it is over and that he's with you? If so and she still keeps calling and wanting to get back together, I think that he should tell her not to contact him anymore. I think that people can be friends with exes, but only when both people are over each other. She is not over him, so she is not ready for friendship and that being the case she should not be in contact with him. He can't control her behavior, but he can ask her not to contact him and then ignore her if she tries.
I think what I would want to know is, why hasn't he asked her not to contact him? I think he is enjoying all the attention, at her expense. Sad.
Sweetie, you and Mr Man need to have "the talk". You need to be clear where you stand in this relationship. Ole Ex Honey must be exorcised from his existence or you will take a prompt walk out the door to a another life. No if's, ands, or buts about it. Sounds like to me he is pitting women against each other. You are better than that! You do not need to feel insecure if he says that he loves you yet you do.
Perhaps a little time away from him, may be the Rx for this drama. You sound like a woman who truly loves her man and wants to save this relationship, yet you can not go it alone!! Trust your gut and look out for MOI!!
Take care!