HELP- Dating Advice- PLEASE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
HELP- Dating Advice- PLEASE!
3
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 2:38pm
Hi everybody!! I had strict parents growing up- went straight from living with them to being married- very young. We recently got divorced. I'm 22 now & I have a 2 year old son. All of a sudden, I'm a single mom & thrown back into the "single" dating world. I've been out on a few dates over the past few weeks. The first one went like this- a friend of mine set me up with this guy, he was okay looking and seemed nice- we went to dinner & throughout the meal, everything he did drove me crazy (not in a good way)- the way he talked, the way he chewed his food, etc... Anyway, I got out of there as fast as possible & then later that night, he knocks on my door, I open it & he barges in- uninvited- with my 2 year old standing there. I said- I don't mean to be rude but I don't want my son to meet a guy that I went on one date with. And, that's been about my luck so far. Needless to say, I'm not letting these guys know where I live anymore. :) Anyway--- I need dating advice!!! Where are good places to meet decent men? How can I approach a guy that I'm interested in? What to say to break the ice? Flirting techniques? I've always been really confident & had no trouble attracting guys. But, now it seems like the only guys that act interested in me are losers. So, this is kindof killing my self-esteem. I'm hoping that the decent guys are just shy or something and it's not because everybody thinks I'm unattractive, etc... HELP ME!!! Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Avatar for wildlucky4me
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 8:42pm
Hey Lacey.... "decent men" buy groceries.... they go to the bookstore and have coffee.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 9:57pm

Don't be discouraged. Dating's hard no matter what. If you have a friend set you up again, just make sure it's a friend you trust and who knows your preferences well, and knows the fellow she/he's going to set you up with well too. When I was on the dating market, I tried online dating, let friends know that I was single, and even thought about taking art classes and joining a gym to meet new people (thought about it--never actually did it). So there are a number of things you can do to meet people, but I guess there's no fool-proof way to control the quality of the men you meet.

Hopefully no more creepy men who show up at your house. Just have a sense of humor about the whole dating process and don't take any of it personally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 2:16pm

lacey031920004...

Pianoguy hasn't read all the responses---so if there's information in this that has already been given...HE APOLOGIZES IN ADVANCE!

To begin with...your first date was a 'lemon'...but this ISN'T an indication that all your future dates will turn SOUR on you? I would be a little nervous if a woman FOLLOWED ME HOME after only having one date! There's a very fine line between liking somebody and stalking!

While I'm sure you're pretty busy being a mom and holding onto a job, perhaps you need to 'network yourself' a little better? Get involved in extra curricular activities, a fun enrichment course offered at a high school or college, church (if you're religious), or do a little volunteer work if you can spare the time? Eventually...you'll meet PLENTY of men who will DEFINITELY BECOME INTERESTED IN YOU!

If you've already 'set your sights on someone'---you can certainly bring up the weather, the horrible price of gas, taxes, our president, the color or style of clothing the man is wearing...any number of 'relatable' subjects!

Once you've broken the ice...you can always look at the 3rd finger of his left hand to see if he's married or not? There might not be a ring, but if there is...BE VERY POLITE WITHOUT MAKING ANY SUGGESTIONS OR PROMISES ABOUT YOURSELF! .

There ARE many 'decent guys' who are cautious about approaching a single woman. One reason might be shyness? But to be honest...the LAST THING most of us want to do is 'push our personalities upon you' TOO SOON? Often...a woman's first impression about ANY man is the one that she'll remember?

Flirting is okay. Lots of men are flattered by it. But some of us might misunderstand your intentions. There are plenty of men who aren't completely sure if a woman is 'flirting' because she's interested in them...or she's doing it just to be NICE? So if you're not comfortable with the concept, don't flirt!

You don't have to be a fashion model TO BE ATTRACTIVE! Many of us often recognize your inner beauty based on the words you say, the way you're dressed and especially if you're not too 'self-absorbed' in yourself! In other words...we're more likely to ask you out on a date if you have the initial appearance of BEING NORMAL!

I hope the above suggestions help you...at least a little?

Pianoguy