HELP... Did I do the Right Thing??
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| Sun, 04-23-2006 - 12:34pm |
I'm a 42 y-o divorced woman who recently got out of a 3yr relationship and back on the dating scene. I met a great guy on Match.com and after talking for about 2 wks, he asked me out. The first date was great. There was a lot of chemistry, we had much in common, and the next day he expressed a desire to see me again. We've talked almost every day this past week since the date and everything seemed fine. Yesterday, he mentioned that at first he wasn't sure how to 'read' me because I appeared 'stand-offish'. He HAD actually teased me about having a 'poker face' on the night of our first date and I assured him at that time that I was interested. Our conversations have been stimulating and he sounds like he's into me. The problem is that he hasn't asked me out on a second date yet and his comment yeterday has me worried that he may not be interested. I sent him an email last night saying that I hoped he didn't get the impression that I was not interested. I told him that I like him a lot and I told him why I liked him. I left the ball in his court as to whether or not to call me. What are my chances of getting a second date?
Thank You!

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My experience has been that if a guy doesn't actually *set up* another date either while on the first or soon after, that it rarely happens, even if he *says* he wants to go out again.
I would hope for the best but plan for the worst with this guy...in other words, continue to meet and date others and see what happens.
Sheri
Thanks, Sheri
The other thing we talked about was 'taking things slowly'. So I guess it is safe to assume that your advice was correct and he is really not interested. I'm not used to this whole dating thing. You said he should set up another date soon after(that hasn't happened). My question is now: How soon after a first date should the second one follow. It has been 9 days since the first date. He told me yesterday that he was expecting his son (1 1/2 year-old) over for a weekend visit. He works long hours during the week as a trucker (semi driver- LOCAL). He still called during the week and we've had great conversations. As you can see, I'm thoroughly confused :-(
No, actually I didn't say anything about "should" ;-). I said that my experience is that if a guy *doesn't* arrange the 2nd date right away, it usually doesn't happen.
There are no rules about when the 2nd date "should" be, per se...but since he's not asking, I wouldn't count on there being one. Not that it *couldn't* happen...but just don't count on it. Some guys just don't really want to date, I've found...they love having email pen pals and/or someone to talk to on the phone, but they don't actually want to put the effort into actually *dating*. I have no idea what they get out of it but it happens...it's one of those "why ask why" things.
Sheri
<< It's been 9 days since the 1st date and we've talked almost every day - with the exception of this past Friday.>>
If he doesn't know what his work schedule is going to be like, or isn't going to have time when his son is in town ... then, I'd say that it's fine that he's proposing the IDEA of seeing you again, without actually setting something up. He's just letting you know he's interested, but doesn't yet know when he's going to be available. So, rather than setting something up, and possibly having to cancel ... he's keeping the communication open by talking on the phone with you and letting you know he'd like to see you again. No harm, no foul.
<< I just got a call from him! He said that he was definetly interested and he wants to see me today! I'll keep you posted :-)>>
That's great! Now, keep this in mind ... if you already had plans for the day, or have to "fit him in" in order to see him today ... let him know that you already have plans today. Don't re-arrange your day, if it's not convenient for you ... just because he wants to see you today. It's ok to say "I already have plans today, but I would like to see you again, too ... is there a day this week that works for you?"
In other words, if what you want is to be with someone who will ask you out in advance ... but, by going out with him the day he calls ... the message that you're sending is "I'm available on the fly!" ... so, be careful to not set this precedent ... otherwise, he'll be Mr. Day-of-Date and won't feel the need to ever set anything up with you in advance. You have to be busy in your own right, as well. Don't EVER cancel your plans or re-arrange your life to fit his. It doesn't mean that, if you do say "no" or you already have other plans that he won't be interested. But, if you always say "yes" when he calls on the fly, that's setting yourself up to be a doormat.
Just FYI for future dates.
Thank you so much for your help.
Oh good, I'm glad he was the exception to the rule and hope that you had fun!
Sheri
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