Help - having SUCH a problem dating!
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Help - having SUCH a problem dating!
| Mon, 03-15-2004 - 7:55pm |
Hi all.
I am in my mid 30's and have never been married. I'm attractive, have pretty good social skills, and lead a fairly interesting life. My self esteem has been in the toilet for the last year (due to past relationships) so I'm in therapy trying to get a better handle on myself.
I started internet dating recently. Many of the men who write me don't really interest me. But once I find a good one, we'll go out, and have a nice time. But it often doesn't lead to a second date, and I cannot figure out why. Now, there are men I've met who liked me, but I had to reject them (nicely, of course). But the men who I am the most interested in just don't take the bait. This has only happened with 3 guys, but the rejection is still painful. And I end up feeling like it's all my fault. Any advice on how to prevent the rejection from dragging me down would be really appreciated. I am just feeling so bad about myself - like I appear really good in an online ad, but don't quite measure up in person.
I am in my mid 30's and have never been married. I'm attractive, have pretty good social skills, and lead a fairly interesting life. My self esteem has been in the toilet for the last year (due to past relationships) so I'm in therapy trying to get a better handle on myself.
I started internet dating recently. Many of the men who write me don't really interest me. But once I find a good one, we'll go out, and have a nice time. But it often doesn't lead to a second date, and I cannot figure out why. Now, there are men I've met who liked me, but I had to reject them (nicely, of course). But the men who I am the most interested in just don't take the bait. This has only happened with 3 guys, but the rejection is still painful. And I end up feeling like it's all my fault. Any advice on how to prevent the rejection from dragging me down would be really appreciated. I am just feeling so bad about myself - like I appear really good in an online ad, but don't quite measure up in person.

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I think the reason most of these first "dates" don't go anywhere is, you can't really know anything about a person without meeting. So sure, you find someone online (or through personal ads) that sounds interesting. You get together, have a resonably "good time". But that's usually the end of it, I would imagine. I can go to a cocktail party, actually meet a bunch of people, have a "good time". But how many of these people would I be interested enough in to go to the trouble to try to have a second encounter in a "date"? Darn few.
Online might be a good way of making first contact with a lot of people, in the absence of any better way. But it strikes me as very inefficient. Like a lot of other computer stuff that wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Of course, some of that computer stuff was refined so it worked. Maybe the brave new world of romance will evolve too.
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