help - he has a problem with my friend
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help - he has a problem with my friend
| Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:59pm |
I started dating this guy about 2 weeks ago and we had our first little fight, which I was expecting. The only problem is that it was over my best friend. You see, my best friend happens to be a very attractive guy. I'll admit that when I met him 4 years ago, I had a crush on him - but he's not my type and I don't want anything more than friendship with him and he is happily engaged. I told this to my new guy (okay, I only said that I found my friend attractive when I first met him) and he insists that I should spend less time with my friend. I really like my new guy and want to get over this - how can I handle this situation and show my new guy that there is nothing to worry about with losing my cool over it?

<< I told this to my new guy (okay, I only said that I found my friend attractive when I first met him) and he insists that I should spend less time with my friend. >>
Ok, clearly ... your new guy is feeling threatened or intimidated by your friend, your friendship with him ... and knowing that you ONCE found him attractive ... well, that's only feeding his insecurity.
This has everything to do with that one thing: HIS insecurity. It wouldn't matter if you'd dated him 4 yrs ago, if he was a secure person ... he wouldn't have an issue with your friend.
So, ask yourself "do I want an insecure boyfriend?"
Knowing that, it's only been 2 weeks since you've started dating ... this is when you get to evaluate whether or not someone is "relationship material", right?
He's not your BF yet ... you're just dating still ... but, do YOU want an insecure boyfriend? That's the bottom line.
If you don't ... and you choose to move forward with him ... then well, you know what you're signing up for.
Personally, if someone I'd just started dating 2 weeks ago INSISTED that I spend less time with a friend ... sorry but, "see ya, don't let the door hit ya on the way out."
Is someone who've been seeing for 2 weeks going to take priority, at this point, over a friend of 4 years? I mean, who is this guy to INSIST this? Nope, sorry ... but, no one gets to INSIST on who you're friends with. (ok, well ... at least, that's my take ... of course, you can choose otherwise ... if he gets to choose who your friends are ... then, by all means, continue dating him).
Hon, I see the signs of an insecure man ... and the signs of someone who wants to control ... insisting that you spend less time with him ... that's an attempt to control.
So, do you want to date an insecure, potentially controlling person? If so, please continue with him. If not, you may want to consider cutting your losses now ... since it's only been 2 weeks ... you don't have much invested.
Good luck!