Help! How do I talk to this guy?!
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| Tue, 12-14-2004 - 12:53pm |
I work at a restaurant as a hostess and there's this guy who has since been to the restaurant 3 times since I've been working there, and I've been working there 3 weeks now. When he comes in he comes in with about 4-5 of his buddies and they sit at the bar so I never have to seat them.
Friday he came in and on my way to the kitchen I gave him a smile and he finally cracked one (he doesn't smile often). Sucky part is, his girlfriend came in for maybe 2 minutes to check up on him and the guys, then she felt. But I was like, okay whatever. Then he came in again on Sunday with only ONE of his guy friends and I stood at the hostess stand while they contemplated whether to sit at the bar or go get sat. The guy I like seemed to want to get sat, I wasn't expecting that because they never sit anywhere but the bar. I kept giving him grins and this time his smile was more friendly. They finally decided to sit at the bar.
Then after a while his buddy's gf comes in and joins them. Grrrrr! Anyways, I'mm doing the side work so I put on my jacket and go outside and caught him looking for me, I guess he thought I was leaving. So when they're finally leaving, I'm at the hostess stand again and his buddy and the girl walk out ahead of him, and I'm thinking maybe not say goodnight but I wanted to prove something to myself so I said "night guys" without looking up from the seating chart and in a very low, barely above a whisper tone, and surprisingly he turned all the way around to say "good night, thanks". I was surprised that he could even hear me through the music and I was VERY low. Only explaination I could get from it was that he was either waiting for it, expecting or hoping for it.
But how do I talk to him? Especially when he's always with his buddies? I don't care that he has a girlfriend, I feel that he's interested and I'm interested too. Any advice on this? Please help!

lovece7...
Pianoguy works for an up-scale restaurant...and has seen many beautiful women this past Spring, Summer & Fall. And as much as he would like to stop playing tunes...and flirt at the bar instead...he's being paid to do a job as a professional.
Your situation is very similar so would you PLEASE STOP THIS SILLY BEHAVIOR and STICK TO YOUR JOB? You're being paid to be a professional server...and not a flirt!
You might have feelings for this man...and there may be a little bit of interest (for you) on his side as well...BUT...
1. He HAS a g/f already!
and
2. He would've made an effort to come into the restaurant...without 'being chapperoned' by any of his buddies and especially, the g/f! If there was interest...he'd make it clear...but outside of the polite GOOD NIGHT........zippo, nada, nothing!
Pianoguy
Besides, this guy has a girlfriend. How could o.p. say that she doesn't care that he has a girlfriend?
Turn the tables on yourself, original poster. Suppose you did hook up with this guy and some girl decided she likes him and wants him and makes eye contact at him and smiles at him and she KNEW he was with you but she didn't care. She's bent on seducing this guy away from you and making him hers. How would you feel? It's not a good feeling is it?
It only sounds like he was being polite to me anyway. I didn't catch any interest because he returned your smile and returned your good night. Besides, if you think he is interested, you might have to ask yourself what is he interested in. Is he interested in you and he doesn't know you or is he interested in having sex with you and then returning to his girlfriend and treating you later as if you don't exist because he could really care less.
Find someone who is unattached and go from there.
Now I'm going to give you an aggressive woman's point of view. And I remind you at the same time not to become too emotionally attached to this guy to the point that the let down may be devastating. I hear all the guys saying that this is your job. And I agree to the point that it is your job to continue to be friendly, smile alot, maintain pleasant conversation, and make this customer (potential boyfriend) feel welcome. That is your job regardless if he has a girlfriend or not. Who knows? Maybe she is not that important of a girlfriend because he does not bring her there very often. I would still smile, and I mean smile a lot, when you see this guy and allow him the opportunity to see that you are very interested in him. I personally date numerous men right now. I do not have one steady boyfriend. I think women should always try to come across as friendly, smile, give eye contact, show men that you are genuinely interested in every word they say (even if you are not), laugh at all his jokes (even if they aren't funny), and always act like nothing in the world is too much trouble. And flirt like crazy! If you like his chest or shoulders or body, you can ask if he works out. You can gently rest one of your hands on his shoulder when handing him a menu or even suggesting that you could take his drink order before his server arrives. You could act like you are brushing some lent off of his shoulder or back. If he is wearing a tie, tell him that you like his tie (even if you don't) and put both your hands on the top part of it and pretend to adjust it. Although this ones really along shot, you could tell him about how much you have wanted to go see a movie that is playing in the theaters except that you do not like going buy yourself. The same is true as far as restaurants. Ask if he has eaten at a certain restaurant and tell him that you keep thinking about going except that you do not like eating alone. You could tell him that you get off in so many hours and that you are trying to make plans to go out.
Dear Lovece7,
Sorry about that. I must of filled up the entire space and then got cut off. I have so many ideas of how you could talk to this guy. It is up to you. If all else fails, there is always the woman's secret weapon - sex appeal. If you have ever seen the show "The Apprentice, there was a young woman named Katrina who had the nickname "Sex Kitten" and she always spoke of a woman using her sexuality to get ahead. Makeup is usually the first thing a guy notices. I always wear makeup. Very short dresses and skirts always show off legs. I wear very short dresses, probably too short for the office, but I definitely get more than my share of attention and looks. If all you are doing is seating customers, your dress will never be too short. If you have to bend over and wipe tables off you might have to be careful because all the guys will be looking. Maybe if your future boyfriend is looking, you may want to "accidently" give him a quick peek. High heels are a must. They attract men, increase your height, and make your legs appear longer. The heighth depends on the heighth of my date and how much walking I'm doing. I'm only 5'1". I never want to be taller than my date. I have a complete collection of shoes from 4" heels up to 8" spikes that I may wear on a dinner date. When I was a hostess at Hooters, we had to wear their white shirts,khaki shorts, their Peavey tights, white socks and sneakers. When I was a hostess at Olive Garden, we were required to wear a white buttoned blouse and black pants. I wore pants 2 sizes too small with 4" black spikes. My last hostess job was at Longhorn Steakhouse and we could pretty much wear whatever we wanted. I always wore 4" black spikes, nude pantyhose, and numerous short light frilly type dresses with flowers. Best of luck. I'm so excited for you. I know you're going to land this guy as your boyfriend. I just know it. Please e-mail me and let me know how you do .
Your friend,
Illeana