Help, I am going crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Help, I am going crazy
30
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 6:45pm

First things first, I have been knowing this guy for quite sometime.

Well, a couple of years ago I dated a guy that a very good friend of mine dated in high school. She got very mad and so on and so forth. Needless to say, we still don't speak (my friend and I). Well it was not working out with the guy and I and we just lost touch I guess.

He has or should I say was dating this girl for about the last two years and recently they broke up. I just happened to text him to see what was up and he responded and apologized for the past and wanted to make it up to me by taking me out. I agreed and everything was great. We went out and had a great time. Caught up on the past and he promised that he would not hurt me again if I gave him another shot. That was on Saturday. He came over on Sunday and cooked supper for my daughter (10) and I. He came over again on Tuesday and watched a movie with us and then came on Thursday night to visit. Friday morning he left to go hunting and would be back on Sunday. Sunday afternoon after calling and texting with no responses I finally got a response and he said he was talking to his ex and it was not going good and he would talk to me tomorrow.

Finally, on Monday afternoon I get another text that states that he doesn't know what he is going to do because his ex just told him she was pregnant. I told him I understood and that I would be there for him if I needed him. Meanwhile before all this we were talking all the time. Now when I call him he does not answer and when I text him he just responds that he will talk to me tomorrow. I am just confused. I know he needs space because of the information he just received but we were friends before we were dating. I just feel avoided or maybe I should just leave it alone. I don't know what to do. I really thought that we could make it work this time. Maybe his ex said she was pregnant because she found out that he was dating me and wanted him back. I don't know what to do, help!!!!




Edited 12/11/2006 8:16 pm ET by mlvincent26

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 9:57pm
IMHO, this guy is immersed in a mess of feelings and EX's. He stated that he was talking to his EX and that things were going well and then she told him that she is pregnant. Evidently he IS speeping with her. I wouldn't have any hopes in getting into a relationship with this guy because he's not over his ex and now he's having a baby. He's not emotionally or physically available to have a healthy relationship by any means. I wouldn't text him or such. Is he wants to get back to you he'lll do it in time. For now, go on with your life and let him deal with his mess. Getting involved will only bring drama to your life and your daughter's. Do you need that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 10:11pm
Sorry, I mean't to say that he said he was talking to his ex and things were not going good. Oops!!!! Well, from what he told me they have been broken up for about 4 months. Yes, they could still be sleeping together but I did not get that impression but hey who am I. I definately don't need the drama and he knows that because we had the discussion about it and how he could not hurt me again. In one of his texts he stated the reason he hadn't responded to my texts or called was because he doesn't know what he is going to do. I told him that I was there for him if he needed and that I understood what he was going through. I guess all I can do at this point is wait for him to contact me and not to try to contact him because his plate is definately full and I don't want to interfere with that. I think that the more I try to contact him the more he will push away from me. I have his very expensive watch at my house and he knows this and has not mentioned anything about coming to get it. I would never get rid of it but maybe he is just leaving it here to give him a reason to eventually come around. Who knows? I am just grabbing at the straws because I really wanted it to work this time. Oh well, mother always said "If you love something set it free, if it comes back it was mean't to be". What happens if you set it free and it comes back and goes again due to circumstances out of your control.
Thanks!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2010
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 10:01am
I agree with the other poster. He is still very enmeshed with his ex. He obviously wasn't finished with her when he took up with you and that was not fair of him. Even if he wasn't sleeping with her (which he must have been) he was "talking to her" and why was he even still involved with her in the first place??? Definitely leave him alone. It is a while lotta drama and you and your daughter don't need that. He is probably unsure as to if or how to procede with you given all the craziness with his ex and therefore is doing nothing. Don't wait for him either. Just leave it and go on with your life as the other poster said and don't even continue anything with him unless he is free and clear of his ex. He is not someone who can offer you a real solid relationship, at least not at this point, so you have to just let it go at this point. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 11:45am
Thank you so much for the information. I will just have to get it in my head not to contact him. I get the sudden urge every couple of hours to text him and then it passes. I guess I was not ready for it to end suddenly. I still want to be friends but I don't think that he can even give me that at this point. I will just have to see how it goes and take it from there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 1:24pm

Okay, this is what is going on now...after a couple days of not talking he calls and is just as nice as pie.

Previously, I had asked him to come with me to my Christmas party for work. He never really answered and then later in a text he asked if I needed an escort to the party and I said sure why not. He also had a party to go to on that night (surprise party for his dad). He came by on the way to his party and visited. He also told me that he was arguing with the ex again because she wanted to go to the party and he said no. Whatever!!! So we decided that I would take my shower and get dressed and then come meet him at his party and we would go to my party. Everything was great, drinking and visiting and just having an all around good time. On our way home, we were going to go sleep at his place. We pull up in the driveway and to our surprise she was parked in the driveway. He was pissed. So I said well lets just go to my place. And we did. This was on Friday. Saturday he left and went home we talked a couple of times by text and that was it and the same thing on Sunday and Monday.

What is the deal? Should I just ask him where we stand or what? Should I just ignore him, no texts, no phone calls, no nothing and see if he calls? Any advice would be great!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 10:17pm

How did I become so needy and what can I do to fix it?

I have currently found myself sitting by my cell phone waiting for it to ring.

Any advice from all would be greatly appreciated!!

Thanks in advance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 11:02pm

Lock the cell phone in the car and lose yourself in a movie.

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:41am

Do you really want to go through this much trouble for a kinda-sorta relationship? If you're ok with having a sometime thing with this man, then I would just let things flow as is. But I think if he were really interested in a relationship, his actions would be showing you that.


I think you deserve better than this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:52am

I agree with you totally but I don't know why I get this way only with him.

The same thing happened last time. I engulfed myself in him and became so needy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:24am
I understand where you're coming from. I think you should just not speak with him for a while. Let him have his space, and then call or text him after 3-4 days. He needs to sort out all this stuff he just received. And if the ex is lying, that's just messed up completely!

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