Help, I am going crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Help, I am going crazy
30
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 6:45pm

First things first, I have been knowing this guy for quite sometime.

Well, a couple of years ago I dated a guy that a very good friend of mine dated in high school. She got very mad and so on and so forth. Needless to say, we still don't speak (my friend and I). Well it was not working out with the guy and I and we just lost touch I guess.

He has or should I say was dating this girl for about the last two years and recently they broke up. I just happened to text him to see what was up and he responded and apologized for the past and wanted to make it up to me by taking me out. I agreed and everything was great. We went out and had a great time. Caught up on the past and he promised that he would not hurt me again if I gave him another shot. That was on Saturday. He came over on Sunday and cooked supper for my daughter (10) and I. He came over again on Tuesday and watched a movie with us and then came on Thursday night to visit. Friday morning he left to go hunting and would be back on Sunday. Sunday afternoon after calling and texting with no responses I finally got a response and he said he was talking to his ex and it was not going good and he would talk to me tomorrow.

Finally, on Monday afternoon I get another text that states that he doesn't know what he is going to do because his ex just told him she was pregnant. I told him I understood and that I would be there for him if I needed him. Meanwhile before all this we were talking all the time. Now when I call him he does not answer and when I text him he just responds that he will talk to me tomorrow. I am just confused. I know he needs space because of the information he just received but we were friends before we were dating. I just feel avoided or maybe I should just leave it alone. I don't know what to do. I really thought that we could make it work this time. Maybe his ex said she was pregnant because she found out that he was dating me and wanted him back. I don't know what to do, help!!!!




Edited 12/11/2006 8:16 pm ET by mlvincent26
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:10am

I am going to try to not call him or text him for a couple of days but is hard with the weekend coming and my daughter is going to her dad's, it leaves me with a lot of time on my hands and it frees up my mind for a whole lot of thinking.

I just wish it did not have such an adverse affect on me. Why do you think this only happens with this one person?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 8:26am
Well, this is the latest, Wednesday night he calls, then comes over. My daughter was not home so we go out, he sleeps over then goes home in the morning. Talked to him a couple of times on Thursday during the day. Told him I would call him when I got home. I did but he did not answer my call or text. What is up with that? He answers during the day but not a night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 11:55pm

It seems that timing is everything, and this particular time frame for you and this guy is just not good. He needs to resolve the pregnancy issue thing with her.

The ex may use the pregnancy to lure him back, have nasty interactions with him (for some any attention is fine) and make this potential relationship with you go sour.

Because you are feeling needy with this particular man it would be hard for you to back off from him a while and let him resolve this dilemma, but that is what might be best for you. Your emotions are sensitive right now and being around this man right now may just leave you feeling hurt all the time because his mind is on other things. You have had space from him in the past and it has worked in your favor before.

You have mentioned a couple of times that you will "be there for him". Try to not be there for him, because it doesn't seem like he is reaching out to anyone for help. He is certainly not there for you. I know that this sounds cold and calculating but if he has mixed feelings about this pregnancy and his ex, he will definitely not go to you for help. And that may be what is going on too. He may actually want the child or a possible reconciliation just because of the child. If he goes back to her just because of the child, in the long run it may not work. those things rarely do.

The only thing you can do is wait this out and see what he does. It is not fair to you but you really don't have any other choice, unless you 'd like to date other men or just remain solo for a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 12:15am
Thank you so much for the information. I have been feeling like that is what I need to do but my mind and body are not coinciding. It is very hard but I am going to have to do it for my sanity. Thanks again! It is definately nice to come here and get the advice from someone who does not know me and does not judge.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 8:51am
You are welcome. I noticed in a previous post you said that something about this guy pulls on your heart or your mind differently and you described yourself as "needy" with this particular guy. We have all been there. There is always a guy or two in our pasts that make us want to shake ourselves with a "snap out of it". I can't explain why that happens either. You'll see, the next guy you date, you'll handle things differently.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:44pm
Thanks again so much. You really do not know how much I appreciate your reassurance. Meanwhile I just sit and wait, and wait and wait. Eventually I will get tired or bored and give up but until then I will keep myself busy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 2:22pm
hello!! i know you have recieved quite a few responses to your question-and if im repeating anything someone else has said-im sorry...(i wont have time to read through all the responses cuz my computer is being super slow today...)but my take on your situation is simply this-i would back off and leave it alone. mainly because if his ex is pregnant, maybe she begged him to try to make it work. and maybe for the babys sake-he agreed. and maybe she said something to the effect of-if were going to make it work, then you cant talk to (you) anymore cuz of your history together. you might not agree with her thinking, but it could be what happened...take care!!
JOANNE
MAMAN2GOONS@AOL.COM
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:21pm
Thanks! I appreciate the information. I guess it is just that I fell for him again and I don't know why I feel so strongly about him and it effects me in this way. I am totally engulfed in the situation and it must be that the fear of no knowing is taking over and just making me crazy. We have talked about it and he said he would not hurt me again and that he was not getting back together with her. I think maybe I put the pressure on him and that is what is making him back off. Who knows what men think these days?!?! Just waiting for him to call. I can't really say waiting because I am trying really hard to occupy my time so that I can give him the time he needs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:05pm

<< What is the deal? Should I just ask him where we stand or what? Should I just ignore him, no texts, no phone calls, no nothing and see if he calls? Any advice would be great!!!>>

I haven't read all of the responses, but ... just after reading this one ... all I can say is GOOD GRIEF! Do you need to get over the head with a frying pan to "get it"!?

Pardon my bluntness, but ... regardless of whether she is or isn't pregnant, regardless of whether she's making it up or whatever ... there is OBVIOUSLY still unfinished business between them ... so, let it go. Where you stand is in the middle of him not having things (yet) resolved ... perhaps he's TRYING to move forward ... but circumstances being what they are ... that's not happening yet.

So save yourself the grief and find a guy who doesn't have a pregnant (or pyscho!) ex-GF ... because either way, neither option is good for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 7:36pm
Probably the best thing is what you said, keep busy. Hard to do when you really want to be with someone who you consider special. Did he give you any indication as to whether or not she was keeping this baby? And what his feelings were about the baby? Hopefully he'll ease your feelings by contacting you and letting you know what his direction will be.