Help, I am going crazy
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| Tue, 12-05-2006 - 6:45pm |
First things first, I have been knowing this guy for quite sometime.
Well, a couple of years ago I dated a guy that a very good friend of mine dated in high school. She got very mad and so on and so forth. Needless to say, we still don't speak (my friend and I). Well it was not working out with the guy and I and we just lost touch I guess.
He has or should I say was dating this girl for about the last two years and recently they broke up. I just happened to text him to see what was up and he responded and apologized for the past and wanted to make it up to me by taking me out. I agreed and everything was great. We went out and had a great time. Caught up on the past and he promised that he would not hurt me again if I gave him another shot. That was on Saturday. He came over on Sunday and cooked supper for my daughter (10) and I. He came over again on Tuesday and watched a movie with us and then came on Thursday night to visit. Friday morning he left to go hunting and would be back on Sunday. Sunday afternoon after calling and texting with no responses I finally got a response and he said he was talking to his ex and it was not going good and he would talk to me tomorrow.
Finally, on Monday afternoon I get another text that states that he doesn't know what he is going to do because his ex just told him she was pregnant. I told him I understood and that I would be there for him if I needed him. Meanwhile before all this we were talking all the time. Now when I call him he does not answer and when I text him he just responds that he will talk to me tomorrow. I am just confused. I know he needs space because of the information he just received but we were friends before we were dating. I just feel avoided or maybe I should just leave it alone. I don't know what to do. I really thought that we could make it work this time. Maybe his ex said she was pregnant because she found out that he was dating me and wanted him back. I don't know what to do, help!!!!
Edited 12/11/2006 8:16 pm ET by mlvincent26

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The thing is that she is not pregnant and he even said so himself. He said she just said it to plot against him. It apparently worked.
I sent him a final text message tonight that said "Somewhere along the way I am not sure what happened? But I know in time everything will be better. Call or text whenever you want. I know that you have a lot on your mind and I am not making it any easier for you". Well naturally just like I expected I did not get a response but it was just one of those things. One of those stupid things that you do to just make contact. But I am done contacting him. If he wants to contact me he knows where I live, I work and has my cell number. So whenever he is ready he can do what he has to do. I know that sending another text just probably aggravated him even more but what is done is done and I can't change the past.
I wish I could know what he was thinking or feeling so that the doubt and fear would go away but I can't. That is just part of reality and I have to deal with it. It is hard but if you think about it there are a million other people in the world that have much worse problems and this is not one of them.
I will just have to let go and keep saying the Serenity Prayer and also something my mother always said when I was younger "If you love something set it free and if it comes back to you it was mean't to be".
I believe that everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for everyone. So this is just a little part of the plan that I don't understand know but I will in time.
Thanks for all your help and advice! I truly enjoy talking to you.
Oh, you are so nice. She is NOT pregnant? What a horrible thing to do. Well, then I don't understand what his dilemma is...in regards to you. Unless, like you said, her antics messed him up a bit. Hmmm, he has two women that want to be with him; one who so desperate to be with him that she lies about being pregnant and the other who is eating her heart out because she doesn't understand what went wrong.
Well, the good thing about letting go of people is that sometimes they do want to be let go of and sometimes they don't, but they allow you to do so anyway. The reason this is good is that by him allowing you to let him go he is left to face his true intentions, BY HIMSELF and...you get to face his true intentions as well. By letting go of him you show him that you are a confident person who while she is not enjoying letting go of him, will do so anyway to allow the situation and everyone's minds to breathe. Be proud of yourself that you are not in a vat of jello fighting over this guy with the other girl. Some guys enjoy the cat fight and egg women on to compete for their affections. Yes, I agree, there is always someone out there who has it much worse.
I am sure your text did not aggravate him, but, please don't apologize to him for CARING. People in general don't appreciate a good person in their lives. Until they are gone. Your text demonstrated that you have enough insight to know how to handle the situation, you can see something is not right anymore between the two of you, and you will not hang around to be taken advantage of. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it is HE who needs to start doing some apologizing to you.
I have found in my past relationships that I tend to be the one to make the first move to break it off if I see any conflicting behavior or game playing. This does tend to catch the guy off guard and then he tries to reconcile on some level, but not a level that indicates that I will be treated the way I want to be treated. Eventually they back off. Most times I end it on good terms (especially important in a small town) and sometimes there is an air of cool indifference around it. I never get back together with any of them. As Montel says, "an ex is an ex for a reason". One time (hehe)I ran into an ex and he apolgized for what he did to me months earlier. I asked him if he knew what he was apologizing for. I wanted to see if he had any insight at all. He said "no." (but I guess it seemed like the right thing to do). I said, "I didn't think so." For him, he said it was bad timing (the relationship). But, even if it is bad timing, you still need to treat a person the right way. Imagine if it were something serious...how would he handle the situation and me then?
Another thing I have learned is that it is important to watch how the guy you like treats (or treated) his ex. There was a guy I had a crush on once who tended to talk about his and her business in public alot to me or anyone who he was around. Sometimes the talk centered around how she didn't appreciate him, spent his money, etc. Sometimes it was just too personal - specific complaints about her as a person. While I dug the guy alot his behavior sat in the pit of my stomach for a long time, until my mind caught up with my stomach and reminded me that the way he handles discontent with her is how he would handle it with me...habits are habits. And I don't like my personal business discussed in public. Not only that, I am sure she wonders why people treat her so poorly or strangely...it is because they know too many intimate details surrounding her and her relationship to him. No doubt, crying the blues will get people to treat your SO cooly. There is alot of bad press surrounding her amongst his friends, co horts and clients. They all know the last fight they had, what she said, did , didn't do, etc.
Okay, your doubts and fears center around rejection. Try this...look at the scenario in 3 ways...#1)he resolves his feelings or problems with the ex and he is emotionally available now to be in a relationship with you, #2)he resolves his situation with the ex but decides that he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship right now, or #3)he decides that the relationship with you is not going to work, casually or seriously.
Seeing how he is handling things...withdrawing from you...do you think that this is an indication of how he'll handle things later on when more serious situations happen? do you want a guy that just hits the big delete key in the sky on everyone because he is confused, tormented or sad? I believe that it can be confusing to a guy to have two women contend for his affections, a baby would have definitely convinced me that taking a step back was kind and mature of you, but...since there is no baby...you definitely have a right to know what is going on.
What I am trying to say, is that when you take a breather from waiting for someone else to determine your life for you...YOU may decide that you don't want him any longer (how funny is that?). It could be the rejection itself that can get you all twisted up inside and this guy's rejection is very potent, it seems. Again, we have all been there. There is always one or two guys that you just don't want to reject you. But, this is a guy that you have wanted in your life for a long time....I don't want to minimize that you may be falling in love with him and it is not just about rejection. I am sure you want a real relationship with this guy, not a casual "we'll get together when we get together" type of thing. So let's remove option #2. Okay, handing over the power to this guy is okay for now, it is a good thing...because it will give you the opportunity to mull over this guy's importance in your life. Let him...let you... let him go.
Serenity Prayer is good, we all have to accept things sometimes. We all learn from the people we interact with. We especially learn about ourselves. Good luck!
<< Thanks for all your advice even though I got the short end of the stick.>>
LIke you said, all things happen for a reason ... if we don't understand while it's happening. Look at it this way, you didnt get the short end of the stick ... why? Because you really don't want to be with someone who would rather be with someone else, right? RIGHT! :)
Oh, I am so glad you let us know what he decided to do. Sometimes, like you've said, the "not knowing" can cause alot of pain in addition to a broken heart. You are very mature to wish him well. Yes, right now it appears you got the short end of the stick because you are not with the person you want to be with. Maybe down the road you will meet someone who is even a better match for you. I know that is too difficult to contemplate right now and all you want to do is curl up with a bowl of icecream and watch tv.
At least he had the courtesy to contact you and let you know what he is up to. Why any man would want a woman who lies about being pregnant is beyond me. I would question him and my choice about him because of that move.
Feel better.
<< I don't know if I could put myself through this for someone that is not a sure thing.>>
Well, no one is a "sure thing" ... the best you can do is go for a guy who is emotionally and physically available ... and even then, pay attention to "red flags" early on ... that's the best you can do for yourself. But, sure thing? No such thing. Why? There are no guarantees in life.
I will question him next week when he comes over to get his watch. Would coming to the door in a mini and tank top be appropriate? LOL Just joking. I am not that desperate.
Still get the sudden urge to call him or text him but the key is that I don't I just text my best friend instead. Sure hope this feeling goes away soon.
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