Help! I asked him out, can't tell if he likes me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2013
Help! I asked him out, can't tell if he likes me.
Sat, 04-20-2013 - 2:10pm

I am 29 and I work with a 24 year old guy. We get along super super well. He is a phenomenal person and we have SO much in common, he's commented several times on how our personalities are so much alike. We are always talking, flirting, laughing, playing, and joking. He is a genuinely friendly guy and gets along with everyone, but our connection is just on a higher level. People at work, particularly 2 ladies I am closest with, have commented to me that it's obvious that he's into me. So I got invited to a wedding kind of last minute and was told I could bring a date, I sucked it up and asked him to go. He can't because he's going to a graduation. But after he told me he couldn't go he said "So, I was gonna be your date?" and I answered with a big smile and to keep it light hearted answered  "yeah, you were gonna be my man candy" then he just laughed and said "yeah, I already made a commitment". Then we both just said have a good weekend and left. We were stopped at the corner stop sign and he was honking at me, so I know he didn't feel embarrased or awkward about me asking him.

I am just having so much trouble telling if he likes me. I don't have much experience with guys or dating and I always think someone likes me and it ends up they don't. He doesn't have any sisters, so maybe he just feels like I am a sister to him. We've worked together since the beginning of the year, recently he suggested that I should let him teach me how to punch our speedbag at the gym at work, so we've done that about once a week for the past month. A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned us going to see a particular movie that we had been discussing wanting to see, but he said he had plans (which I know he really did, cause I saw the posts on fb). Anyways, any advice or comments would be appreciated as it is really driving me crazy not knowing. Since he is younger than me and we do work together in a close atmosphere, I don't want to push things too much, because I have to see him everyday. I definitely don't want things to get awkward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2001

First, it's generally not a good idea to date people you work with, as things can get awkward, especially if the relationship does not work out.  You have already made two suggestions for dates, and although he was busy at the suggested time, it seems to me if he was interested, he could have suggested an alternate time, especially for the movie.   

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

It's good that you are considering how awkward things could get since you work together. But as long as your company does not forbid dating, I think it's a calculated risk, perhaps worth taking. Many people meet through work, so I'm not opposed to dating a coworker--just know what could happen.

Because of my experience with dating (I'm way older than you are), I have to side with Greg Berhent: if he's not calling you up and asking you out, he's just not that into you. I think women come up with all sorts of reasons why men aren't asking them out, but the bottom line is that if he's interested, he'll ask you out.

You have clearly signaled your interest, it is now up to him. Don't issue any more invitations, let him do that. 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

 Make it clear how you feel.  Many men esp those who have female friends can misread hints.  Men respond to direct speech. Hints are useless.  Plus you work together.   Maybe he thought you just wanted an escort. Speak directly and frankly!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010

I would just let things lie and not pursue further. You've asked him out more than once. You've told him he's "eye candy.'' He knows you're interested. If he is interested also, he can take the lead now. With him working with you, you don't want to be accused of sexual harassment.

On a different subject, I would only invite someone I was seriously involved with to a wedding with me. It's uncomfortable for someone on a first date to be surrounded by the other person's friends and/or relatives. That normally comes later in a relationship. Also, if you don't know him so well, you take the risk he can embarass you--drink too much, belch loudly and repeatedly, say the wrong things, etc. Finally, weddings are expensive. You'd be costing the bride and groom serious money to bring him.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

Never date people you work with.  Even if the company doesn't have a policy, don't do it.

Also, I agree with Trenner--invite him to a sporting event or movie you have tickets for, not a wedding or a birthday party as a first date. 

This guy is probably a good work buddy, but not dating material for you.  You've expressed interest twice and he's rebuffed you twice... it may be time for you to take a hint.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2013
Thank You all for reading and for your comments. It's much appreciated. :)