Help: I clam up when I'm interested
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Help: I clam up when I'm interested
| Mon, 10-25-2004 - 7:30am |
Help! I'm an outgoing woman--with friends and customers--they think of me as quick witted, funny and somewhat intelligent. Although I'm in my 30s, I haven't dated alot; and most times, previous relationships stemmed from friendships that I developed when there was no romantic interest at first. My problem is, when I meet someone that I'm attracted to--I clam up. My mind completely turns off--and I find myself thinking about "what do I say now"--a problem I don't have in other situations. I logically tell myself its nerves, but I'm having a hard time getting beyond this. This is something I've struggled with in the past; and have not gone beyond 3-4 dates with people--I believe, in large part because I get so conversation-challenged. Now, I've met a charming, quick-witted man that I really really like. We've spent some time in groups, where I'm my quick-witted 'normal self' and we've spent some time alone--and I can feel my clammed up ways returning (struggling with conversation--and loosing any sense of humor I thought I had). We have plans to see each other again--but I would like some help for how I can be more like my usual outgoing self and be not stumbling for conversation, and appearing to be much more serious than I intend. Help!!

Pianoguy wonders if it's time you "employed" those customer service communication skills that you have...ON A DATE! It's obvious you can relate to people when you perform on the job---so what's wrong with transferring this to a potential b/f?
I'm not suggesting that you become over-aggressive and start to sound like you're prying into your b/f's life. But...if you made up a list of 10 or 20 questions---prior to your next date---you'd definitely have some "topics of discussion", right?
Men are often curious about women who can hold a conversation. It often surprises us when you can quote "sport stats" or relate to the types of music or movies we like. Actually, we LOVE it when you can relate to ANY of our interests.
And to be perfectly honest...we HATE it when all a woman does is talk about herself. It's not that we aren't interested, but some women like to discuss everything (right down to the minor details) and men usually aren't in the mood to comprehend all of it!
Soooo...write down some questions on a legal pad...memorize them...and try this approach on your next date.
Best wishes and warm thoughts...
Pianoguy