Help, I like a guy that's already taken

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Help, I like a guy that's already taken
6
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 5:03pm
Okay, to try and keep this short, a couple years ago I met my good friends' cousin. He was already dating this girl at the time and when i was going to meet them, I already obviously knew this. I really never thought anything of it. A couple of times we had all hung out. His girlfriend, I'm NOT friends with, in fact, no one really is. She's a crazy girl. Even his cousin, my friend, doesn't like her and just puts up with her for her cousin's sake. One of these times that we all hung out, I started feeling an attraction for him, mainly cuz he was funny, and I took more notice on him. Not too long ago I ran into him and (liquid courage) caused me to tell him that I've always thought him to be cute. Turns out, he felt the same way and we ended up talking a lot and kissing. Ran into eachother again after that and once again discussed it and he came home with me. we didn't do anything other than kiss and cuddle but I don't know what to do. He even went so far as to say that he had watched me in a video that we had recorded while hanging out for some wierd reason. He says that he doesn't really love his girlfriend even though they've been together for 2 or 3 or more years. He talks as if he's wanting to leave her, but I don't know if he really would and although I feel bad cuz it's pretty much wrong, he's not married, and I don't like her...but I don't know what I SHOULD do. Does somebody have some advice. Also I believe we are both 24 or he might be 25, and his girlfriend only just turned 21.

Confused....

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 5:45pm
This is easy. You're physically attracted to him and he's got some good qualities I'm sure. However, do you REALLY want a boyfriend who is the type of person to remain with someone they do not love and cheat on her? Hopefully you'll wake up and realize you deserve better (but will never have it unless you demand it for yourself). What type of girl she is or how many people like her is totally irrelevant to the situation. He is cheating on her and you are helping. Is that the type of person YOU want to be? He is no prize so stop putting him on a pedestal. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 5:55pm
It doesn't justify that nobody likes her that you are kissing and canoodling with someone in a relationship.

So he's basically come right out and told you he doesn't love her and he's willing to take on intimate things with you (kissing, cuddling and I bet even sex if you offered) but what he hasn't done is break up with her.

So until he does, I wouldn't give him any of the benefits of a relationship (kissing, cuddling etc.) until he does. And if he doesn't break it off, guess he really doesn't hate her as much as he'd like people to think.

People do what they do because they want too. If he wanted to break up with her and date you he would. Until he does that, you are just the girl on the side. If that's what you want to be, go for it. But know that you may be on the receiving end of it some day and it doesn't feel good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 6:29pm
Doesn't take anymore than an IQ of your shoes size to answer this delienma. It sucks being in your shoes but like any old pair that needs to be thrown away, it's clear as day that it's junky but yoiu will make any excuses to keep it in the closet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 6:57pm
what if the guy breaks up with his gf for you? are you really going to be comfortable knowing that he could leave you at the drop of a hat just like he did to her?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 9:03pm
What you *SHOULD* do is tell him to give you a call AFTER he has broken up with her. It's the only possible choice if you have any character and integrity.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 1:09pm
Okay, I must thank you all for answering so honestly...and I do agree with the majority of what everyone says. But I do have to say that from being in a lot of experiences, I understand things a little differently. When him and I first told eachother our feelings, I also had a boyfriend, and the first chance I had, I had wanted to break up with him already, the only reason I hadnt already broken up with him was because I was too chicken to break up with him and hurt his feelings. It took me longer than a week to actually do it, and we had only been dating for a month. I don't like hurting people when I know how much it sucks to get hurt. And I don't wish it upon anyone, but sh*t happens. And with how hard it is for me to ever break up with anyone, I can only just imagine how hard it would be for him. From what his cousin has told me, he's tried breaking up with her before, awhile ago, and she tried to kill herself, and it wasn't the first time. She has no problem trying to kill herself. So what do you do in that kind of situation?? I know he cares about her and doesn't want that type of thing to happen. And I don't plan on doing anything more with him other than friendship...but I would like to at least talk to him about it, but I don't know how to bring it up, and I obviously can't just call him either, so it would never end up being a very good time to bring it up. Either way, thank you for all your thoughts.

K