Help! I screwed up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Help! I screwed up!
1
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:10pm

My boyfriend & I were "on a break". We both agreed we weren't going to see other people. We were supposed to "start fresh" next week.

But, I screwed up. I was drinking & met a friend of a friend. He was cute & seemed interested. At the end of the evening I tried calling my boyfriend. He hit ignore on his phone. I then texted my girlfriend & said "Hey. Can you give D my number if he's interested? S is being an -ss". Trouble is, I accidentally sent that to the boyfriend.

He has now broke up with me & is not taking my calls. He sees this as cheating. I don't! I tried explaining it. That I didnt know where he & I stood & I thought this guy was cute. Had we NOT been on a break this wouldn't be an issue. I have not, nor would I EVER cheat. I just slipped up. Any ideas on how to make this better? BF is overly sensitive about this. He even told me last night "Why wouldn't you cheat? Every other girl I've ever dated has cheated". So, he's automatically lumping me in with those girls...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:49pm

Whoops! Sounds like a Ross & Rachel thing from Friends.

Why were you guys on a break? I don't thinking 'starting fresh' is possible, ever. If you've been together and are having problems, work through them - don't take a break. The only time I've ever seen people take a break is when they aren't sure they want to be together but are too afraid to break up. It's testing the waters of 'singledom' or seeing someone else while you still have your pinky around the rope attached to your boyfriend or girlfriend. "Starting fresh" implies a clean slate, like you want to go back to the beginning and forget what's already happened in the relationship - not realistic.

I can understand why the boyfriend is so upset and I think you'd be equally upset if the roles were reversed. You were seeking some kind of emotional support from someone else that you had a connection with. It's not as though you had sex with him but you did violate the trust your boyfriend had for you. Sounds like he also has some insecurities brought on my previous relationships, which isn't your fault but you did mess up and really hurt him.

As for mending this - accept complete responsibility and let him know that you understand that you've really hurt him and apologize. Be sincere and keep it short since this will probably be a voicemail - and then bow out. Give him space, don't keep calling him. Good rule of thumb would be to be on very good behavior when you go out with your girl friends - you never know what buddy of his is out and might happen to see you, and even the most innocent hug could be perceived wrong.

Think of this as a turning point in your relationship - you'll be able to see what you're both made of and if you have the compatibility to work through something tough. A misdirected text message is so insignificant compared to other things you may face in the future if that's the direction you guys wish to head.

Good luck!