Help, I'm confused!
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| Thu, 07-28-2005 - 5:14pm |
My boyfriend told me almost 2 weeks ago saying he was feeling overwhelmed by our relationship and wanted to take a few steps backwards. Still date and everything, but take things more slowly and have more space. I was hurt, because even though we have only known eachother a couple of months we have developed a fairly serious relationship -- mainly initiated by him. Well 2 days after our talk, his brother in law unexpectedely died. He called me right away and asked me if I wanted to go to the funeral with him. I had only met this guy once, but I wanted to be there for my BF. So last week was a very emotional week -- he invited me down to spend time with his family one night after work, and at the funeral had me do everything with his immediate family - sit with them, drive over with them, etc. I was basically the newest member of the family. Then we went to a wedding of his friend's on Saturday out of town together. Everything seemed good, and like the talk we had never happened. After everything that had happened and how he had been acting like we were still serious I had assumed he wanted to forget about it. It wasn't the right time to ask for sure about what he was thinking about our relationship because of the stuff he was going through with his family.
I last saw him Sunday. He had a very busy Sunday/Monday planned and now is back at work, but likely very busy after not being there all last week. Still, I haven't heard from him at all (I emailed him Monday) and I'm starting to feel confused and concerned. His actions over the last week were very clear... that he wants me as his serious girlfriend and wants me in his life. But now I am not sure since I haven't heard from him and he didn't actually SAY that this was the case. I don't know what is expected of me and I feel a little hurt. I got even closer to him and his family through all this and now I feel shut out. I don't want to pressure him right now because he is still going through a rough time.
I was in a horrible relationship before where I got very hurt -- the guy constantly would fall off the face of the earth for longer periods of time, so I know I am probably being kind of paranoid. In the meantime, I am getting really confused and starting to feel hurt. Anyone have any ideas?

It sounds like you made an incorrect assumption...that him relying on you for support last week meant the "step back" mode was off. It doesn't sound like he was thinking that.
I would let him be for the time being and ask him about it the next time you see each other (I wouldn't talk about it on the phone--do it face to face).
Sheri