Help Me Calm Down
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| Thu, 07-01-2004 - 8:20pm |
So what's wrong? He's "flighty" I guess is the word. He'll mention something he wants to do that night, like go out, or cook for me, etc., then ends up doing something completely different, and not always with me. These plans are never firm, we never set a time or anything, he just mentions them, so it's not like he's standing me up, but I've learned to never count on something happening. He doesn't have a cell phone, so I can't ever get in contact with him to check plans. He's very laid-back, so I guess in his mind he's just "going with the flow." Me on the other hand, I'm pretty high-strung, I like routine, and this lack of any kind of routine is driving me crazy. I never know what we're doing, cause it seems like plans always change. Like this morning, I went to his apartment, and when I got there, he informed me that he's moving in with a friend of his a couple miles away. He said it was just decided the night before. That's the way he is in a nut-shell, just completely random.
I'm also having issues trusting him with my feelings, which may be why this is all making me so uncomfortable. I've only known him about a week, and I'm already afraid of him leaving me. And it's not like we're serious yet! I got out of a serious relationship that ended badly about 2 months ago, and I know I'm not completely healed from having my heart broken then. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since I don't even know him. I don't want to dump him for something that seems kind of trivial, not this early anyway. I'm trying to learn to be more patient, tolerant, laid-back.
How can I calm down and also how can I feel more trusting and not so supicious about everything. How can I completely heal my heart from my last break-up without getting out of this relationship? Is that possible? Is this just a rebound thing for me? Am I going psycho and making way too big a deal out of this?? Somebody give me answers!!!!

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Yes, you're right. Moving on... As for your compatibility:
HIM: "He's "flighty" I guess is the word. He'll mention something he wants to do that night, like go out, or cook for me, etc..."
And... "then ends up doing something completely different, and not always with me."
(sounds like a let-down to me).
And how about: "He doesn't have a cell phone, so I can't ever get in contact with him to check plans."
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YOU: "Me on the other hand, I'm pretty high-strung, I like routine, and this lack of any kind of routine is driving me crazy. I never know what we're doing, cause it seems like plans always change."
I think you need to change the "plans" of having this man in your life. Anything that drives you "crazy" isn't healthy. And, he doesn't have a cell phone? Hello? Number one, it sounds like he needs to be carbon dated! Is he living in the stone ages? Can ya hear me now? Number two, he's using that as a crutch to keep you hanging on, and to keep you guessing, and to keep you waiting around for YOUR phone to ring. (As if your life should revolve around him and his schedule)! If I were you, I would conveniently NOT be around when the phone rings. I'd aquire the habit of screening all my calls (it'll also help with telemarketers lol). It's time to make HIM wait "patiently," and see how he likes a dose of his OWN medicine.
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YOU ALSO WROTE: "And it's not like we're serious yet!"
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Well, then, calm down!! :o)