HELP ME.... I'm in love,, He's in lust

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
HELP ME.... I'm in love,, He's in lust
3
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 2:56pm
I'm wondering if anyone can help me. I have been seeing this guy now for the better part of this year. When we first met, we had an intatnt attraction to one another. He has a career in law enforcement, and he also has alot of activities that he is involved with outside of his work. He told me early on that he did not have a lot of time to devote to being in a relationship, he said that he had bad experiences in the past when it comes to relationships, But wanted to see where things could go.. Well that was 8 months ago, We have developed what I would consider a strong friendship, We do not go out on dates very often, but we do have sex. It used to be more frequent in the beginning, but recently it has slowed down some. He cites reasons of parenthood. ( He has two kids ) And claims that they have been keeping him busy. We recently hooked up, last week and it was just as good as it always is. I don't press him to tetll me how he feels about me because I know that he is not comfortable with revealing his feelings. I did ask him a few times before and he did express that he cares vvery much for me. I'm just a little confised because I really like this guy in fact I think I am in love with him, and I don't really know where it is going between me and him. Part of me just wants to enjoy the ride and see where we end up, while the other part of me wants him to define our relationship right here and now. I don't want to wind up getting hurt. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 3:45pm
Sounds like casual sexual relationship to me. If he was truly interested in you he'd want to spend time with you and not just have sex.

If you don't want to avoid getting hurt, you need to have him try to define your relationship now. This is not being bossy or demanding, if he respects you, he will respond. If he doesn't want to be more serious, I'd suggest breaking up with this guy and moving on, dating others. I hope you are dating others already (if you two aren't 'dating'). Never, ever, ever make yourself exclusive with some guy who only wants casual sex. You will get hurt in the end in many ways if you do this.....as well as just waste your time.

Move on

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 9:39pm

Since you are the one that wants to define the relationship, it's up to you to initiate the conversation.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:46am
It's not going anywhere. You don't go on dates, you only have sex with each other. You aren't in a relationship in the sense of boyfriend/girlfriend, you are more FWB.