help me with my doubts

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
help me with my doubts
2
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 6:12pm
Hi everyone. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months now and we've been through our ups and downs with me uncertain about his ability to be devoted to me and being monogomous. He has played around on the net with putting out what he says are mock adds on the dating pages on the net. I have decided that it is possible and to ride it out and see if I can deal with this.The other day, I was asking him about one of his ex girlfriends. He said that he didnt treat her too well because he never took her seriosly because she was such a clown but yet they lasted for 2 years! He said that they started out as a one night stand but that she was so easy to be with and was pretty cool so it just lasted ( also she was apart of the group that he hung out with) but the whole time he was always looking and searching for something bigger and better. That made me think is it the same case with me? He says he takes me very seriously and the other day said that the fact that I want such a big diamond engagement ring ( something he has asked me when we see jewlery stores) is something that has delayed him from asking me? He said it in jest of course but it makes me wonder why say it at all. He said we should wait for a year until we start talking about marriage ( he's always the one who brings it up) or else everyone will think we are obnoxiouse. Anyways, I am always paranoid that he's just using me for the time being until he finds someone else. My gut says he does love me but that he's afraid of letting go of his party lifestyle . He is 35 and has expressed he does want kids soon. Sometimes I wonder if he's serious about me just because of the right timing and that always trips me up. Has anyone ever experienced this before and how do you get over these uncertainties. I always have a feeling he really loved his ex but he's downplaying it since they broke up ( he says he dumped her) and now she's engaged so I'm thinking he wants to be engeged because she is and that's why the marriage talk? She told him about her engagement about 4 months ago but he waited to tell me until now. WHy keep that in? Anywasy I know I have so many uncertainties and insecurities and don't know how to deal . please help someone. Thanks!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 6:31pm
So long as you keep your head in the sand about this guy and refuse to see him as he truly is, your instincts will be screaming at you to end it. That's why you have so many doubts and insecurities.

From what you've posted about him on this and other boards, he is a BAD bet for a serious, healthy r'ship. Hopefully you will stop being in denial before you do something really stupid, like marry him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 9:00pm
You already know deep down that this guy isn't "into" you. From what you've said he's using you. I think he may see you as the closest thing he'll have to getting married. I would distance myself from him and see if he pursues you. A guy who is truly interested would fall all over himself coming after you. If he doesn't, then you know how he feels. Guys who are in love don't play these games you describe you bf playing. He's just really not that into you. Sorry. I'm sure you're too great of a person to waste on him. It's true....if you love it set it free and if it comes back it was meant to be.