Help me read him....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Help me read him....
8
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 12:00am

Hi everyone,

I had written earlier about this guy I had exchanged glances with at a party...and I ended up giving him a call out of the blue 2 weeks later. Well, he is a friend now. He has a GF of 5 years. She recently moved away out of town. He is also frequently out on projects to different cities. They are "planning" to get married this year. I know I was and still am attracted to him, (and he knows that I like him. I told him so) but I also know he is off-limits! I am trying to appreciate this friendship. But, somethings confuse me a bit. Or maybe I am reading too much into it? He stays in good touch with me. Does that tell anything?

1. He calls me the end of the day when he is relaxed and in bed, or has gotten back from office (if not everyday, every other day). Just the other day he called me 1130pm, my 130am! (ofcourse, I had told him I am kind of a night owl, so he had expected me to be up). The next day he said sorry for calling late.

2. He called me when he was at the airport when his flight was late. He called me again, after he settled himself in his seat, and when the flight was further delayed. (Guys, does this mean anything?)

3. When he got back into town and was done visiting his buddies, he called to ask last night around 11pm, if it would be okay for us to meet for sometime. We went on a drive. We took a walk together. We also hung out and sat and chit-chatted in this nice little square under a starry sky. (All this was his idea. It was clear he wanted to spend more time with me). A 100% casual chit-chat about this and that. He was a thorough gentleman. We sat 2 inches away from each other, and it was chilly n windy outside, and it was truly difficult for me to restrain myself from sitting closer to him, or putting my head on his shoulder (girls, u know what i mean :-( ) but I succeeded and NOTHING happened, neither from his nor my side. I was proud of myself for the restraint I showed. (I totally respect his GF, and I know he is HERS)

4. When we were saying goodbye for the night, and he held out his hand for a shakehand, i told him that he was very nice, and he said "you too...", and then he gave a compliment on my smile. And the way he said it, it made me blush. Our handshake was more than a normal 2 second handshake.

I know he does 'like' me, but is there more to it? I must clarify he has been a true gentleman, and has never, EVER, done anything to make me uncomfortable. He has never even "said" anything to give me the idea that there is something more. He is just this very sweet, reserved, decent person. Do his "actions" show anything?

And I wonder.....did he tell his GF he had spent an hour and a half with me so late at night?

Is this just a GOOD close friendship he is showing, or more?

Thanks..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 12:06am
Fuggetaboutit! He is taken. I don't care if she lives in China and he lives in the US. He is getting married next year and your feelings with him will only deepen. Don't hang out with him, if you will grow attached to him. It doesn't matter is he likes you or kinda likes you, he is already committed to someone and you will be the one who's hurt if you continue to see him.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 12:11am

If you "totally respected" his gf, you wouldn't be asking these questions, and you'd avoid any situation that was *remotely* questionnable.

You are deep in denial and both of you are disrespecting her. I'm sure he just LOVES the attention from you...what a putz.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 12:20am
If he'll cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you. Stay away from guys who are taken. There is nothing in it for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 1:21am

I know....he is taken. Maybe at the cost of my getting hurt, I am wanting to see if I can have him as a friend. I just did not know how to interpret his interest. (And I agree with you all.....it really does not matter even if he WAS interested) I don't know whether to go with the flow and be cool with him, or to stop him and make it into an "issue". I am flattered myself that he likes me. I had always wanted good friendships. As such, has anything "wrong" happened, I wonder. Yes, certain things seemed "questionable" but who decides what's right and what's wrong. Maybe it wasn't "wrong" from his point of view? Maybe it is just good friendship he is showing? Maybe his GF knows everything?

I feel that maybe we were meant to be good friends. We get along so well. We have so much to discuss and share. I don't want to turn a nice person away. I truly and honestly feel I want him as a friend and don't want to lose him. I just have to battle with my attraction and traces of emotions & softness that comes towards him. Yes, it hurts too. Perhaps, when I start dating or get into a relationship, things will be more in-control within me.

I know, there is nothing in this for me.....
Perhaps, friendship. If I can handle it well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 2:38am
I don't know why you put the word planning in quotes. They are planning on getting married. He has no intentions of making you his girlfriend. End of story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 9:09am

What this man is so obviously starting is called an "emotional affair"(EA). Some men feel these are perfectly okay since they aren't doing anything physical with the other woman(OW).

No, he probably is not telling his girlfriend anything about you. She would know in a flash that something isn't right. You might think this is a friendship but to this guy, he's deeply involved with two women now, not just one.

Congratulations, you don't know it but you are now a mistress. Enjoy those late night phone calls because they aren't going to stop anytime soon.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 12:29pm

Sorry to be blunt, but you asked...

Wake up and stop calling her a GF. He doesn't have a girlfriend, it's called a FIANCEE. If he knows you're into him and he stays in touch with you, he's cheating on her plain and simple. Meaning he's a sleazy cheating liar. How is that attractive?

To paraphrase Chris Rock - You're not his friend, you're just a woman he hasn't f****d YET.

Why do you bother asking for advice you're not gonna listen to anyway?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 2:37pm

You claim that all you want is a friendship but if that were true, you wouldn't be out here asking all these questions. You are attached and attracted to him and want him to be more than a friend to you. You would love it if he'd ditch the finacee and be with you. By continuing to "be his friend" you are basically just hanging out just waiting for their relationship to fall apart.

Perhaps their relationship DOES lack something that he finds in his relationship with you. Perhaps he does like you, but that is irrelevant! He is with the fiancee, he is planning to get married to her. You are an emotional affair. Leave this guy alone. Stop accepting his calls and stop going out with him - I think eventually it will keep you from finding something more real.

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