help me...boyfriend problem!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
help me...boyfriend problem!
2
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 5:08am

okay...
so ive been dating my boyfriend for 7 months now.
He's a really nice guy, but i dont know in a way hes not i guess.
Like I dont really have to worry about him cheating or anything but
thats the only good thing really.

He makes me pay for everyyything.
if we go out to eat...i pay for myself, he pays for himself.
When we go see movies, i pay for myself, he pays for himself.
I HATE IT. I mean ive always had boyfriends who pay for me,
and most guys want to. Hes not poor at all, he has money so i dont
know why he wont just pay sometimes.

Like I ask him why he makes me pay and hes just like,
I'm not made of money or it was your idea or something like that.
I dont know. I think its dumb.

And we havent had sex yet, I want to but i guess he doesnt.
He's almost 19 and hes still a virgin.
He says he wants to have sex, but I mean...i dont know.

He wont. Im make it veryyy obvious that I want to have sex with him
but he wont do it.

And he is friends w/ this girl that he used to work with
and he was always talking about her allll of the time.
So i was just kinda joking and said
"jeez do you want to f*** her or something?"
and he laughed. so i was like, "what would you?"
& he was like..well if i wasnt with you i would.

I was like "wait a minute...what? you would f*** her but you
wont even f*** meee? what?"

i thought that was messed up. Maybe its just me,
but i thought that was a little messed up.

But we've messed around a little.
Ive given him oral sex...&handjobs...,
hes done stuff to me a few times too.
But its never enough...i mean he does things to me...
then he quits and says his hands hurt or something. lol
And it upsets me. i dont know.

I want to have sex with him...he says he wants to too but idk
what to do.
Everyone keeps telling me that there has to be something up
if its been 7 months and the guy in the relationship
wont have sex and the girl is willing. I dont know.

But i mean we kinda have nowhere to have sex anyways.
I live with my parents and we arent allowed alone together
at my house...he lives with his parents and arent allowed alone
there either. So i mean...
we have nowhere we could have sex anyways.

But i think its time we experience it together.
I want it to happen ive been waiting for so long. I dont know.

I'm scared becuase maybe he doesnt want to have sex for a reason.
Like maybe he doesnt plan on being w/ me for...a long time
so he doesnt want to have sex w/ me and then have us break up or w/e.
He's a virgin...so maybe hes just like...
well im a virgin & i dont plan on being w/ her for a long time
so im not gonna give it up to her.

i dont know but i mean...i have needs you know?
girls need sex too...and im not getting any and i hate it.
what do i do?
i mean its not that i dont turn him on or anything...
i know i do. we "fool around" and i know hes turned on.
because i can tell...i mean its pretty obvious when a guys turned on. haha
so i touch him and do the whole oral sex thing...
and i tell him that i want it...
and his excuse is ALWAYS..."i dont have any condoms"

so i always say ill buy some..but he never has a response.
so i dont think he cares you know? if he wanted it he would buy some.
or let me buy some or whatever. i dont know.

i dont know what to do, and i dont know what his problem is.
its getting to be pretty serious though because i hate it.
it makes me feel bad, cause i mean i start to wonder if like...
maybe im doing something wrong.

i dont know please help me. if you have any ideas of what his problem
might be, or what i could do to help things...
i mean we dont even have a place to be alone at ever.
so i dont know.
any special place we could go to be alone and set the mood just right?

please help me.
ill appreciate any advice you have.
thank youuu

help!!

<3sheen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 9:31am

For whatever reason, this man is not interested in having sex with you. He also is not interested in paying for dates. He doesn't sound very compatible with your dating expectations. My guess is that he sees you more as a buddy than a girlfriend.

There probably isn't much you can do to change the situation. Maybe it's time to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 10:56am

The only one who really has the answers is him, but here's my take on it... In my experiences, I've never had a boyfriend who would let me pay for things without a fight. And personally I like that. Now that doesn't mean I'm a taker. Rather than paying for day to day things, I would create a special evening and cook a full dinner including dessert or I would plan a surprise for the guy outside for a romantic evening, all inclusive... I don't know, for me I was raised in an old school manner and like when a guy takes that lead. So your guy for me would be a no-no.


Also the fact that you want sex and your guy doesn't tells me that your needs are completely different. It doesn't matter why he won't. The bottom line is that your needs aren't being met in the relationship. It's fine that he's a virgin but strange to me at least that he doesn't want sex with you but would do it with a different girl.


Personally after 7 months with this guy, I don't know if I'd last. To me there's some basic things that are not aligned with what you need and that's what I'd be looking at.


Ask yourself this: Does this person have all the qualities you want for the longrun? Really ask yourself that honestly and then you'll know which way to go. My guess is no because otherwise you would have never come here to ask...


Keep us posted.