HELP! My professor wants to date me!
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HELP! My professor wants to date me!
| Mon, 02-16-2004 - 8:49pm |
I'm a 24-year-old college student. I'm graduating in May, and my 30-year-old professor told me over the weekend that he's had a thing for me for the past two years. He teaches a performing ensemble class that I've been in for a while, and my friends and I have always considered him one of the gang. I've actually always had a goofy little crush on him, but I NEVER thought that feeling would be reciprocated. It was VERY weird to hear him tell me this - he's my professor for god's sake! - but I'm also intrigued. We have both decided it would be a very bad idea to pursue this while I'm still a student; he says he just wants to get to know me better, which is fine (right?). I think it would be interesting to see where this whole thing goes after I graduate. The only drawback is he is recently (a year or so) divorced and has two kids. How am I to tell if he really means it, or is just confused and sexually frustrated? He's a really great guy, but this is all very new and frightening (and WEIRD). He's been my teacher for two years, and we (meaning me and the other people in my ensemble) are very comfortable and casual around him. He's more like our older friend than a teacher, but he has just recently started to confide in and get to know just me away from my group of friends. We actually communicate really well and can talk on the phone for hours. The whole thing is very surreal - this kind of thing only happens in movies! Something this crazy has never, ever happened to me before. And the scary thing is, I'm very attracted to him - I've just been ignoring it. Is this all wrong?

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And... I agree with many of your thoughts but I guess I just am looking at this from a different point of view.
For example, maybe he was attracted to her during the last year of his marriage but what is vitally important here is that he did not act on that attraction. In fact, he did not even reveal his attraction to her until one year after his divorce. That, in itself, says a lot to me in terms of the man's character and integrity.
I don't think that his perception of her class performance or his fairness in grading will be clouded by his perception. If it hasn't already then I doubt that it will in just these next three months. Personally, I think that he chose this time to reveal his attraction because they had achieved a level of comfort that he felt safe in doing so. I think it just may be that they have reached a point where they feel secure in their conversation and not threatened by insecurities. In fact, she has not said that he has even asked her out...
I mean, all the man has done is to have told her that he is attracted to her. Shoot, I'm attracted to Renee Zellweger but I would never act on it. I find her fascinating. But, my SO knows very well that I am in love with her (Renee, you don't stand a chance!).
Actually, I'm beginning to think that we are making far more out of this situation than the original poster did.
tg
Oh, I hope she makes a good choice too. A right choice.
The problem I see with trying to analyze this situation is that we tend to look at it from our perspective (that's normal) and apply what we would do. And, we can say "most" men or "most" women would do this or that. But, that is within our realm of knowledge of those who we know. The fact is, we don't know either of these two people and we can only assume this or that beyond what she has told us.
But, that's like saying that "most" women don't like a man with a hairy chest (as evidenced by several of the polls I have seen on iVillage boards). But, my SO does and to me she is the one who counts. So, in this instance, does it really matter that "most" men or women would do any certain thing? No, not to these two people. What matters is what they do.
A couple of examples of what I mean here... he has been divorced for one year. Now, what we know is that his divorce was final a year ago thus ending the legality of the marriage. I know of people who were emotionally divorced long before the legal ending of their marriage (and I was one of them!). So, it is quite possible that his "healing" took place before during and after the legal ending of the marriage. - Another example: she mentioned that they talk on the phone - the fact is, we do not know what they talk about. She didn't say. But, does it really matter? This is a situation that they have to work out between themselves and, while I think she may be looking for some direction here, I have been trying to keep an open mind to possibilities and opportunities and let her know that it isn't the end of the world because her professor has expressed an attraction for her.
You are right though, 24 is a young age and at that age they are just really beginning their trip on the road of life. They will encounter some speed bumps along the way but as long as they don't speed I'm sure they will travel over them safely.
I just thought of something, the speed limit is slower in a school zone, isn't it?
tg
speed limit? in schools..... fast for me,
i failed in math....... :)
TG, just a poke for you: "I don't know of any vocation that one chooses that requires that they give up their gender in order to work." How about the priesthood? *wink*
No, sorry, the priesthood doesn't require you to give up your gender - it requires you to give up the OTHER one!
See? I can poke back!
tg
Maybe we are, but her choice of words in her post and the emotion behind them make me believe that the situation *is* something momentous for her, from *her* point of view. Her title even starts out with a "HELP" which tells me that whatever feeling of safety and security she could have with the teacher is now filtered by the unsettling knowledge that she is seen by him as more than just a student. Could her teacher know how much the situation actually affects her? I don't know.
Your point of view is of course an angle to consider (as is mine and others' points of view), that only the original poster can sort out for herself.
rb
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